Mind reading on the job: 3 tips for more clarity instead of interpretation

Are you also a mind reader and know exactly what the minds of your colleagues or the boss look like? You develop theories from it and in the next instant, your hypotheses become certain truth. And because you are so good at it, everyone else has to be the perfect mind reader too: “The boss must see that I’m stressed!” Or in a partnership: “Don’t you notice that you are disturbing?!” The consequences: Misunderstandings in communication, colleagues who are just annoying, unnecessary mistakes, arguments, and stress. Why not just create clarity? Life would be so much easier without mind-reading!

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Mind reading: I know what you are thinking

Observe. Interpret. Conclude. And then: either act or do it all over again. I wonder when we actually learned this fine art of mind reading. And above all, for what this is still necessary today in interpersonal dealings.

Maybe it dates back to the Stone Age when we had to judge from the facial expression of the neighbor from the cave opposite whether he was throwing a spear at us or whether he was just dropping by to paint a wall together.

Or does it come from the experience with babies who cannot tell us that the first tooth pinches or the stomach hurt? That would at least explain why I observe especially in women that they are perfectly trained in mind reading.

Jokes aside – we are constantly interpreting what we see and believe we know the truth. There is probably no one of you who would say “No, not me!” – I would not be able to say that about myself either.

And I also know what you need

I find it interesting that we very often derive from “I know what you think” in the next second “I know what you need”. Yes, maybe this will work for couples who have been together for 20 years and know for sure what is right for the partner in certain situations. But at work and among colleagues or in the collaboration between boss and employee, this logic can also go really wrong:

“But Meier just exhaled loudly …
Would I go over and help him?”

She walks over. “Hey, do you need help?” – “No, why?” – “You were panting so loudly.” – “What you can hear.” – “Yes. I thought you couldn’t manage the presentation for the boss and you could use some help. ”-“ Yes, just let me work in peace! ”She goes back to her desk and thinks“ Idiot! I just wanted to help! ”

Meier actually has a cold, his nose is tight and that annoys him.

“But Mr. Schmidt stays in the office for a long time …
Will I overwhelm him as the boss?”

Mr. Schmidt is new to his team. It’s the fourth evening in a row that he’s going ahead of him as boss. “Mr. Schmidt, why don’t you call it a day too?” – “I still need something.” – “Do you have any questions or cannot cope with something?” – “No, no, no problem!” – “If it gets too much for you straight, then we’ll speak tomorrow morning. ”-“ No, that is not necessary. ”

In fact, Mr. Schmidt stays in the office longer because he’ll be home much faster after the rush hour.

“Steffi has been so quiet since yesterday…
Did I hurt her?”

She’s still talking to the colleague, so it must be up to me … whether she resented me that I praised her new shoes yesterday, but didn’t notice that she was also wearing new glasses? … Or maybe because I didn’t go to lunch with her, but with Paul? … Maybe she is stressed at home too? … Should I ask you about it? … Better not, first, keep watching … etc.

That is probably the classic. We blame ourselves for the behavior we see in other people. With mind-reading, we then try to understand the other and to find out the real background. Either to wash in or to do everything well as a savior.

When observation becomes the hypothesis of the truth

The examples show that the motives for certain behavior can be completely different from what we believe. There are as many truths as there are people. Each of us looks at the world through our own glasses. Everyone has different values ​​and goals.

A supposedly logical framework of puzzle pieces is built up, which in the end can only lead to a single truth in your own perception. Even in conversation with one another, this is so firmly anchored that we often don’t even think that our counterpart is looking through completely different glasses. We are often so trapped in our own films that we lack the openness and awareness of alternative perspectives. Misunderstandings and misunderstandings are often the results of communication and interaction.

Applicants love mind reading

Especially when I work with applicants, I observe that they make life difficult for themselves and that HR professionals are agonizing over their heads. Behind every potential trick question, a deeper psychological background is assumed.

“What do you like to do in your free time?”

And the thought carousel begins with the applicant: Warning trap! – They definitely want to hear something about team spirit and leadership qualities on this question. – I’m sure that guy I like when I say mountaineering. – And I could sell my volunteer work in the retirement home to the nice HR manager as a hobby. – Oh dear! She looks at me now very disturbed and rubs her right eye. That was definitely the wrong answer and they won’t take me.

If you turn off mind reading, you not only have a lot more resources free for your own good answers, but you also come across as more eloquent. Yes, and if you do not know exactly where you are at this moment, ask: “Are you really interested in my real hobbies or do you expect me to list hobbies that allow good conclusions about my work with you?“

Not reading minds also means saying what is going through your head and thus creating clarity for you. I believe that you can do that today as an applicant, I wrote about this here before.

When employees train their bosses to be mind readers

Wouldn’t it be practical if every boss could blindly understand their employees? Without long explanations, he sees everything and always brings the world back to order. A dream, right?

No, unfortunately sometimes reality. Because clever employees train their managers and colleagues to read their minds. Last week I wrote about fellow pigs here. The diva is a typical case of personality in the office who expects everyone around her to be wrapped in cotton wool, to immediately recognize when she is feeling bad and to know what she needs then.

Anyone who, as a manager, gets involved in this game and jumps as soon as the smallest problem occurs in the team, becomes dependent and at the same time deprives the employees of their personal responsibility. The parent-boss as mind reader will see it for himself and fix it again – this is the attitude of these employees.

Through this behavior, you will forget how to openly address problems and questions with your manager or in the team. Instead, they are constantly trying to use their behavior or body language to lead others to believe that something is wrong. Yes, that sounds exhausting, but it’s everyday life in so many companies and devours a huge amount of resources. And it is behavior that will definitely not work in the mobile working world tomorrow.

3 tips on how to do a better job without mind-reading

Actively ask questions to create clarity

Mind reading is the attempt to gain clarity without communicating. A large part of the conflicts both in leadership and in the team that I experience in coaching simply result from a lack of clarity in communication. Things that are not said because they are taken for granted or information that is incorrectly transmitted between sender and recipient as a result of unclear communication.

Whenever you have the feeling that something is not clear or you suspect that you may have misunderstood something, actively ask instead of constructing your own truth. And if you have to ask your boss three times before you know what exactly he wants from you, this is better than independently hypothesizing out of shame and maybe doing mistakes or unnecessary work.

Trust the other to say what he really thinks

Who expects you to have clairvoyant skills? You could also relax and trust that your colleague will contact you if something is bothering him. Do you think he wouldn’t say it then? – Yes, but then it’s his problem and not yours.

Expecting another person to be able to look inside my head is a pretty high standard of thinking. Try to relax on the next burst of mind-reading and pass the responsibility on to the other person. If he really cares that you know what he is thinking or feeling, then he can say so instead of hoping you will figure it out yourself. On the other hand, if you have a real interest in finding out, then you can ask.

Openness to other perspectives and not to conclude others

The dangerous thing about mind reading is that we often infer others from ourselves. If you puff out loudly as soon as you get stuck on something, then this does not have to be the case for your colleague. If you enjoy leaving work early to be with your family, then maybe your colleague can work most productively in the evening. Make yourself aware that not everyone is like you.

Make yourself aware that other people see the world through different eyes. What matters in your world may mean different things to other people. This makes mind-reading impossible because you can never be sure what is going on in someone else’s head. If you’re really interested, just ask: What is going through your head?

Boredom in the office: anything but a luxury problem

Would you have thought that every week Monday in German offices is the greatest boredom? At least on this weekday, a particularly large number of googles for “nothing to do at work” or “boredom in the office” and land on my post, which I published here almost a year ago. Under no other article do so many readers comment on their experiences in such detail. The amazing thing is that many young professionals among them complain of boredom in their first jobs. The topic is relevant. Therefore, I am taking it up again today and hypothesizing that Boreout is even a phenomenon of the modern world of work. I venture a few attempts to explain the causes and show what is going on in the minds of many of those affected. Because one thing is clear: for the chronically bored, this is anything but a luxury problem.

Why boredom can be good for you

Boredom in the office: the causes

Employees who complain of boredom in the office are neither lazy nor stupid. At least that’s my impression when I look at the comments here and when I work with Boreout sufferers in coaching. On the contrary: many of them are highly motivated, well trained, and reflective. They are stuck in jobs for which they are overqualified or they are trapped in systems that completely do not correspond to their own values ​​and work ideas. But how can this even happen?

Management and leadership failure

Some employees tell me that their bosses no longer have time for them and are losing sight of them – I wrote about this here. If executives are only turning on their own hamster wheels or believe that modern leadership means letting the employees run as freely as possible like chickens in floor housing, then there is no more leadership. What heaven on earth is to independence-loving employees, hell is to others who need a controlling hand and firm guard rails for meaningful work.

Besides, the fact that personnel policy in the company is driven by permanent positions and the more status and power a manager experiences, the more heads he is allowed to manage, this is the ideal breeding ground for turning a blind eye when your own employees have nothing to do. Because whoever voluntarily shrinks his management span, is also sawing his power. This is the only way I can explain to myself that the bored are surprised that their employer has been feeding them for so long for fruitless idleness.

Stunted social skills, personal responsibility

It would be too easy to just pass the buck on the employer. There are two sides to a good working relationship. My perception is that many workers today lean back with the attitude “I’m not responsible for that!”. But from this attitude, it is not far to the poor, little victim who is doing so badly and who only looks to others to blame for the misery. Most of those who are bored at work that I experience are stuck in exactly this attitude, which not only robs them of an incredible amount of strength but also makes them believe that they have no chance of being able to change anything in their situation themselves.

My opinion: Personal responsibility as social competence, especially among young people, continues to be massively threatened with extinction the more school-based training and study become. Pupils and students do not learn early on to organize themselves and to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions and encounter the above-mentioned management failure or inefficient structures in the job, useless hanging around, and boredom due to a lack of awareness of alternative courses of action are the logical consequence.

Too high expectations of young professionals

In the last few weeks, I have wondered why so many young people comment under my post and complain about their suffering. Could it be that the “Generation Y Bachelor” starts as a top manager of tomorrow with the expectation to work on exciting projects on the spot and to jet around the world in international corporations?

But then the young managers suddenly spend hours at copiers, spend weeks stupidly creating PowerPoint slides for their bosses, or after a few months, they realize that work also means a lot of routines. Welcome to reality with antediluvian work processes and menial jobs for the newbies in some places. Can that be a reason? Felt boredom as a result of high expectations of career starters? – I would be very interested in your opinion.

Boredom victims keep looking wrong as applicants

A noticeable number of “boredom victims” report to me that they have already changed employers several times and are falling into the same “trap” over and over again. I see résumés with annual changes at the last stations. Yes, boredom seems to have a system here. Either because those affected always use the same misleading search mechanism as applicants or they always convey the same (incorrect) image of themselves with their application.

It’s strange: Anyone who has had bad experiences once knows what they no longer want and what to look out for with their next employer. This logic does not seem to apply to many boredoms. Because they are often not at all aware of what they need instead and how, when changing jobs, they recognize an employer who is better suited to them and who appreciates their skills and potential.

The symptoms: How bored people feel and how you can recognize a boreout

If I compare the behavior of burnout and boreout sufferers, then there are many parallels: Both of them pull themselves deeper and deeper into the problem through what they see as logical behavior. Both lose sight of their own body and their warning signals. As the condition progresses, both see fewer and fewer opportunities to change something. Both suffer from psychological and physical symptoms such as insomnia, nervousness, weight loss, and even depression. And for both, the private environment is often no help to get out of the stressful situation: Because the overwhelmed is sure that he is doing the right thing and the bored is ridiculed for his luxury problem.

Avoidance: Just don’t attract attention!

The strategies to avoid boredom in the office, such as deception or self-deception, were discussed in the article at the time. Every employee in permanent employment is afraid of losing his job. Employees do not go to their boss and complain about too little work over the long term. So hush up for the hell of it. Screens are rotated so that boss and colleagues cannot see private surfing. The simplest work is dragged out so much that it always gives the impression of being busy.

Don’t be noticed! This is the biggest drain on energy when bored in the office. A strategy for blind bosses or particularly socially-minded employers can save their own job and thus the secure salary for years, but which in the end only makes everything worse. Because each of you probably knows from your own, albeit brief, experience how exhausting doing nothing while being present at the same time can be.

Helplessness: I can’t do anything!

With increasing weakness as a result of avoidance and inaction, the feeling of helplessness increases. “I have nothing to do!” Becomes the irrevocable belief “I can’t do anything!” This attitude resonates in many of the comments under my first post. Those affected see themselves as victims of the circumstances and the system in which they are trapped. Not only that they have already tried everything, no, but they also do not have the spark of an idea of what they can contribute to positively changing the stressful situation. The result: perseverance, enduring increasing frustration, and hoping for improvement.

Frustration: Nobody takes me seriously!

In my experience, this is the biggest problem that chronically under-challenged people have in their job and that, in my opinion, is the reason that boreout is later recognized as burnout by and by those affected. While those who are stressed get signals from their environment that draw attention to too much work, those at risk of boreout are often ridiculed: “Be happy if you have nothing to do and get money for it – I am constantly stressed and even earn less than you! ”

Many clients shyly and scared ask me if they are plagued by a luxury problem. You notice that something is wrong, but at the same time, you get a reflection from those around you that your problem is not really one. And those who hear it often enough believe in it. But the physical and psychological symptoms speak a different language. Uncertainty about the right behavior and, as a consequence, withdrawal from the social environment are often the consequences, but they make the situation even worse.

The way-out: 8 steps against boredom in the office

Create clarity about your own values ​​and goals

If you are looking for clarity about a solution, you first need clarity about yourself. What is important in your job and life and what of these is hurt or not fulfilled in your current job? What is it that burdens you so much with your current employer and what more do you wish for? This awareness is not only necessary to get out of the situation, but also to consciously make sure in the next step that these things are fulfilled as far as possible with the next employer.

Leave your victim role

As long as you wallow in self-pity and hold only your boss, colleagues, or society responsible for your situation, you will not accept a solution. Decide whether you really need this role as a victim of circumstances and whether this attitude is good for something, or whether you want to become the designer of your life yourself again, then with it …

Take on more personal responsibility again

You probably have to slowly learn to take responsibility again. Even if your boss is incompetent and does not lead you and even if you have ended up in a company that hoards too many jobs for too little work, you remain the boss of your life. In everyday life, pay attention to the situations in which you give up responsibility, because you are used to it and that is also very convenient, and when you can take on more responsibility yourself instead.

Break habits

Your day-to-day work and your private life probably now consist of many routines and automatisms that are the result of boredom in the office. Try to deliberately interrupt such automatisms that served to conceal or distract from boredom. Each of these steps is an unfamiliar and supposedly dangerous step out of your habitual and comfort zone. See how it feels and see if it gets you further.

Recharge your batteries

What seems a bit esoteric is, from my experience, an extremely important key to success, especially with job changers and applicants. Any frustration – and with it also stressful boredom – gnaws at you. Looking for a job in this state or having a constructive conversation with the boss is usually not a good idea. Change small things and pay attention to what gives you new strength and energy in everyday life and at work and thus strengthens you for the future. Perhaps it is also a short break, which – if your finances allow it – is good preparation for the new.

Find solutions: stay or go?

For many bored people, one thing is certain: “I have to get out of there!” With their current employer, they no longer see any possibility of making such fundamental changes to enjoy their job again. Nevertheless, it is often worthwhile to consider this as well. Because the blinkers as a natural reaction to frustration have often become so big that many employees no longer have some sensible solutions in mind at the same employer.

Make consistent decisions

Decisions are part of changes. Many people who are frustrated and bored long long hope that others will make the decisions for them – for example in the form of termination. That too is relinquishing responsibility. So if you have found a path that seems sensible to you today, then make decisions after weighing the advantages and disadvantages as well as the consequences and go the way. And if you find way that this path is not leading you in the desired direction, you can make new decisions.

Get help

No, this is not the advertising block for coaching with me. If you have read this far, you may have noticed that many employees who complain of boredom in the office find it difficult to do it on their own find out the situation. Because your own environment is often not a good advisor either. Allow yourself to seek professional help as you go around in circles on your own.

As you can see from my first post a year ago and the response to it, but also from the abundance of articles on “Boreout” on the web today, it is not a luxury problem for a few under-challenged, but a relevant and therefore a serious topic in today’s working world. Don’t just accept chronic challenge and boredom at work. Even if it feels like a tepid job and easy money at the beginning, it can quickly lead to permanent frustration.

As an employee, sharpen your awareness that excessive demands not only mean stress, but that permanent under exertion can also make you sick. Friends and families of people who complain of boredom at work should take these warning signs seriously and consider together what options he or she has to change something about this condition and who can help with it. Because luxury problems are always a problem for those affected.