Mind reading on the job: 3 tips for more clarity instead of interpretation

Are you also a mind reader and know exactly what the minds of your colleagues or the boss look like? You develop theories from it and in the next instant, your hypotheses become certain truth. And because you are so good at it, everyone else has to be the perfect mind reader too: “The boss must see that I’m stressed!” Or in a partnership: “Don’t you notice that you are disturbing?!” The consequences: Misunderstandings in communication, colleagues who are just annoying, unnecessary mistakes, arguments, and stress. Why not just create clarity? Life would be so much easier without mind-reading!

Mind Reading: Exploring the Psyche of the Patient | Reuters Events | Pharma

Mind reading: I know what you are thinking

Observe. Interpret. Conclude. And then: either act or do it all over again. I wonder when we actually learned this fine art of mind reading. And above all, for what this is still necessary today in interpersonal dealings.

Maybe it dates back to the Stone Age when we had to judge from the facial expression of the neighbor from the cave opposite whether he was throwing a spear at us or whether he was just dropping by to paint a wall together.

Or does it come from the experience with babies who cannot tell us that the first tooth pinches or the stomach hurt? That would at least explain why I observe especially in women that they are perfectly trained in mind reading.

Jokes aside – we are constantly interpreting what we see and believe we know the truth. There is probably no one of you who would say “No, not me!” – I would not be able to say that about myself either.

And I also know what you need

I find it interesting that we very often derive from “I know what you think” in the next second “I know what you need”. Yes, maybe this will work for couples who have been together for 20 years and know for sure what is right for the partner in certain situations. But at work and among colleagues or in the collaboration between boss and employee, this logic can also go really wrong:

“But Meier just exhaled loudly …
Would I go over and help him?”

She walks over. “Hey, do you need help?” – “No, why?” – “You were panting so loudly.” – “What you can hear.” – “Yes. I thought you couldn’t manage the presentation for the boss and you could use some help. ”-“ Yes, just let me work in peace! ”She goes back to her desk and thinks“ Idiot! I just wanted to help! ”

Meier actually has a cold, his nose is tight and that annoys him.

“But Mr. Schmidt stays in the office for a long time …
Will I overwhelm him as the boss?”

Mr. Schmidt is new to his team. It’s the fourth evening in a row that he’s going ahead of him as boss. “Mr. Schmidt, why don’t you call it a day too?” – “I still need something.” – “Do you have any questions or cannot cope with something?” – “No, no, no problem!” – “If it gets too much for you straight, then we’ll speak tomorrow morning. ”-“ No, that is not necessary. ”

In fact, Mr. Schmidt stays in the office longer because he’ll be home much faster after the rush hour.

“Steffi has been so quiet since yesterday…
Did I hurt her?”

She’s still talking to the colleague, so it must be up to me … whether she resented me that I praised her new shoes yesterday, but didn’t notice that she was also wearing new glasses? … Or maybe because I didn’t go to lunch with her, but with Paul? … Maybe she is stressed at home too? … Should I ask you about it? … Better not, first, keep watching … etc.

That is probably the classic. We blame ourselves for the behavior we see in other people. With mind-reading, we then try to understand the other and to find out the real background. Either to wash in or to do everything well as a savior.

When observation becomes the hypothesis of the truth

The examples show that the motives for certain behavior can be completely different from what we believe. There are as many truths as there are people. Each of us looks at the world through our own glasses. Everyone has different values ​​and goals.

A supposedly logical framework of puzzle pieces is built up, which in the end can only lead to a single truth in your own perception. Even in conversation with one another, this is so firmly anchored that we often don’t even think that our counterpart is looking through completely different glasses. We are often so trapped in our own films that we lack the openness and awareness of alternative perspectives. Misunderstandings and misunderstandings are often the results of communication and interaction.

Applicants love mind reading

Especially when I work with applicants, I observe that they make life difficult for themselves and that HR professionals are agonizing over their heads. Behind every potential trick question, a deeper psychological background is assumed.

“What do you like to do in your free time?”

And the thought carousel begins with the applicant: Warning trap! – They definitely want to hear something about team spirit and leadership qualities on this question. – I’m sure that guy I like when I say mountaineering. – And I could sell my volunteer work in the retirement home to the nice HR manager as a hobby. – Oh dear! She looks at me now very disturbed and rubs her right eye. That was definitely the wrong answer and they won’t take me.

If you turn off mind reading, you not only have a lot more resources free for your own good answers, but you also come across as more eloquent. Yes, and if you do not know exactly where you are at this moment, ask: “Are you really interested in my real hobbies or do you expect me to list hobbies that allow good conclusions about my work with you?“

Not reading minds also means saying what is going through your head and thus creating clarity for you. I believe that you can do that today as an applicant, I wrote about this here before.

When employees train their bosses to be mind readers

Wouldn’t it be practical if every boss could blindly understand their employees? Without long explanations, he sees everything and always brings the world back to order. A dream, right?

No, unfortunately sometimes reality. Because clever employees train their managers and colleagues to read their minds. Last week I wrote about fellow pigs here. The diva is a typical case of personality in the office who expects everyone around her to be wrapped in cotton wool, to immediately recognize when she is feeling bad and to know what she needs then.

Anyone who, as a manager, gets involved in this game and jumps as soon as the smallest problem occurs in the team, becomes dependent and at the same time deprives the employees of their personal responsibility. The parent-boss as mind reader will see it for himself and fix it again – this is the attitude of these employees.

Through this behavior, you will forget how to openly address problems and questions with your manager or in the team. Instead, they are constantly trying to use their behavior or body language to lead others to believe that something is wrong. Yes, that sounds exhausting, but it’s everyday life in so many companies and devours a huge amount of resources. And it is behavior that will definitely not work in the mobile working world tomorrow.

3 tips on how to do a better job without mind-reading

Actively ask questions to create clarity

Mind reading is the attempt to gain clarity without communicating. A large part of the conflicts both in leadership and in the team that I experience in coaching simply result from a lack of clarity in communication. Things that are not said because they are taken for granted or information that is incorrectly transmitted between sender and recipient as a result of unclear communication.

Whenever you have the feeling that something is not clear or you suspect that you may have misunderstood something, actively ask instead of constructing your own truth. And if you have to ask your boss three times before you know what exactly he wants from you, this is better than independently hypothesizing out of shame and maybe doing mistakes or unnecessary work.

Trust the other to say what he really thinks

Who expects you to have clairvoyant skills? You could also relax and trust that your colleague will contact you if something is bothering him. Do you think he wouldn’t say it then? – Yes, but then it’s his problem and not yours.

Expecting another person to be able to look inside my head is a pretty high standard of thinking. Try to relax on the next burst of mind-reading and pass the responsibility on to the other person. If he really cares that you know what he is thinking or feeling, then he can say so instead of hoping you will figure it out yourself. On the other hand, if you have a real interest in finding out, then you can ask.

Openness to other perspectives and not to conclude others

The dangerous thing about mind reading is that we often infer others from ourselves. If you puff out loudly as soon as you get stuck on something, then this does not have to be the case for your colleague. If you enjoy leaving work early to be with your family, then maybe your colleague can work most productively in the evening. Make yourself aware that not everyone is like you.

Make yourself aware that other people see the world through different eyes. What matters in your world may mean different things to other people. This makes mind-reading impossible because you can never be sure what is going on in someone else’s head. If you’re really interested, just ask: What is going through your head?

Friend or foe? 10 behaviors that will betray your boss

How do you see your boss – as a friend or an enemy? Is he on your side or are you already on his internal hit list? Is it just about his team performing well and pocketing the medals or is he promoting your professional and personal development? Bosses tick very differently: from the authoritarian block of ice to the boss on a cozy course to the sandwich manager and flags in the wind. Is your boss good, does he embody a modern leadership attitude, and is your professional relationship right? Here are 10 of your manager’s behaviors that will help you identify them. Vote at the Chef-Check and see how other readers rated their bosses.

How To Keep Calm With Your Boss At Your Work Place

What employees want from their bosses today

If you belong to the young generation of employees or young professionals, then recognition and appreciation are probably very important to you. You are in the mood for top performance and can really hang out if the challenge is fun and you can identify with what you are doing. Power games are alien to you and you could do without the bonus payment for Christmas. But you want to earn individual appreciation for good performance. The boss should see what you are doing, be a role model and encourage you individually in your personal and professional development.

As an experienced professional, you have already gotten to know different bosses and their leadership styles for a few years. You no longer need power-obsessed know-it-all bosses who have to prove themselves to you, instead you want sparring partners who are to be taken seriously at eye level. Whether your manager is 30, the same age, or older than you, does not matter for a good working relationship. The main thing is that she/he leads well! – at least that’s what I hear from most middle-aged job changers.

Regardless of whether they are just starting in their careers or experienced professionals, today’s bosses are expected to be interested in their employees and their opinions, to be personal companions and a clever sparring partner. You should be loyal and predictable, make decisions, and set a good role model both professionally and personally. They should provide support and orientation in an environment that is increasingly characterized by uncertainty, complexity, and speed. They should show their employees the direction and at the same time keep their backs free so that they can do their work. The result instead of presence is the motto because most employees nowadays prefer to be guided in a goal-oriented rather than task-oriented manner.

10 behaviors that characterize good bosses today

Here are 10 behaviors of bosses concerning you as an employee that express modern leadership. Which of these applies to your manager?

If you see a lot of these behaviors in your boss, then you will likely make a good team today. If you could only agree with a few or even none of the statements: Don’t panic! It doesn’t have to mean that your boss is dead or not by you.

Even if these 10 behaviors sound self-evident, it is a very modern attitude as a manager, in which the old-school bosses, who are still authoritarian or patriarchal, have often not yet arrived. Even if it sounds absurd to you at this moment: Then give your manager a little help. After all, leadership is not a one-way street!

Get out of the victim role: get your boss on track!

As an employee, you too have many opportunities to shape the behavior of your manager and the cooperation as a good team. What you can do if your boss has too little focus on you, I wrote about that recently. Bosses have no training in mind reading, so say what is important to you in your job and for good cooperation. Tell them what concerns you when it comes to leadership and what you need and expect from your employer to be motivated and do a really good job.

Because that is exactly why you are there and receive a monthly salary – unless you are really on the hit list and are nothing more than an unpleasant cost item. But then you should see that you are gaining land and giving your boss the cold shoulder as well. Because working time is lifetime and painful perseverance for CV hygiene is yesterday’s career thinking.

If you are dissatisfied with the leadership skills of your boss and it is important to you that the cooperation is on a good footing, then you actively seek the conversation. Important: Make sure that he does not take your feedback as a charge or accusation. Do not talk about their supposed misconduct, but above all about yourself: Describe the observations you have made, how you perceive the behavior, how it affects you, and what you would like to see instead. Explain the background to your feedback and why it is so important to you. Because in this way you allow your manager to understand your perspective and to classify it correctly.

Boss remains boss. Of course, he or she has the right to decide what your feedback means for their own thoughts and actions. But even if nothing changes in the desired direction afterward, you have also become active as your own boss of life. In the vast majority of cases, this is the better alternative compared to passive perseverance.

Friend or foe: your boss’s perspective decides!

What is your own attitude towards your manager? Do you see him or her as a friendly supporter or as a hostile threat? Does the fear overwhelm you when your boss walks past your office in the hallway? Or are you happy that he is seeking contact with his employees? Do you team up with your colleagues against him or do you pull together as a good team with common goals?

Sometimes it seems to me today that bosses per se are turned into bogeymen by their role and the tasks associated with them. The belief quickly becomes established: bosses are bad and the natural enemy of every employee. Because they are personally to blame for too much work, too high demands and they shamelessly use the power to influence their sheep. Yes, it is that easy to declare your boss to be a personal enemy. But is that really true or aren’t you just looking for a stupid culprit among your frustrated colleagues?

Suppose your boss is not your enemy but your colleague and friend. So just as purely hypothetical. How could he or she support you in your daily work? As a good team, what could you learn from each other? In which specific situations could your new “friend” be useful to you?

Just try it out in the next few days. If you see your boss more as an enemy, then consciously banish this familiar image from your head and see him or your boss once more through the uncolored and friendly glasses. If your manager does not actually belong to the very rare species “bullies” or “fellow workers”, you will be amazed at the different light in which you suddenly see certain behaviors and, above all, the new opportunities this opens up for you in your daily work.

In the end, it is of course your own decision whether you work against your boss or with him and thus benefit from his experience and knowledge. Because whether your boss is a friend or an enemy, you too have a great influence on your thoughts and actions.

Relationship killers: 10 tips for better relationships at work

After the fellow pigs and the mind readers, this is my third post on the subject of relationships in the job. Good relationships are the basis for working together successfully in a team. For me, good leadership means effective relationship management. We are not unemotional work machines that stubbornly work through processes according to scheme F, but people who interact with other people. But at work, it sometimes gives the impression that many bosses and also their employees are blind to the sheer focus on the matter when it comes to creating friendly, professional relationships. I looked at the 25 biggest relationship killers in private life and was amazed at how much they all apply to work life.

Relationships at Work | Workplace Relationship Policy | HR Solutions

25 private relationship killers that can also be transferred to the job

Skip others

This is a relationship killer, especially in strictly hierarchical companies. The employee who goes to the boss-boss, complains about his boss or wants to push through his interests there. The other direction is also known: the boss-boss, who approaches the employees directly and thus skips a management level. Think carefully about the cases in which it is important and right to skip a hierarchy level. Otherwise: Make it clear that and why you are going to do this in order not to damage the love triangle.


Anyone who only looks to their own advantage or who goes over dead bodies for their own career not only makes themselves unpopular with colleagues but also has a difficult position as a manager in the long term. Cooperation is taking and giving based on jointly defined goals. With their behavior, egoists risk being ridiculed, fought against, or even completely excluded.

Wrong expectations

From my experience working with managers, unclear expectations are one of the most common problem areas in cooperation: employees who do not know what their boss expects from them and, conversely, managers who do not see what their employees are for good leadership and who Need to get things done. Expectations should be clearly communicated in all directions. That makes working together much more relaxed.


Not the nice way. But all too often the following applies: “I know what I am not allowed to know and I have you in my hands.” Whether affairs, hushed up mistakes, or other secrets – what could harm your own career is not allowed to come to light. Those who use such information for their own benefit may quickly make it up the career ladder, but in the end, blackmailers often go online, fail because of their inadequate professional qualifications, and fall on their feet.

Lack of loyalty

The flag in the wind or the boss who does not provide any backing. Loyalty connects people. If it is missing for a long time, this often also means a break in the relationship. It is particularly important for managers to consciously pay attention to loyalty to their employees, but still position themselves well in their sandwich position. Because employees also derive justice from loyalty. In a group of colleagues, loyalty often means helpfulness and solidarity.


Anyone who is looking for a new employer in an ongoing employment relationship and even conducts job interviews should not be caught. Before cheating, it is better to discuss what is bothering you with your current employer. Often there are many more adjustments than you think that making a change unnecessary. And if after such a conversation you secretly sniff a strange corporate air and it comes out, then it doesn’t hit your boss out of the blue.

Disrespectful behavior

Certain manners and rules of mutual respect also apply in the job. They don’t believe the stories I hear about filthy behavior in the workplace and read in personal emails from affected employees. Disrespect is behavior that does not take place on an equal footing and expresses: “I am better than you and you are worth nothing!” Respect and appreciation are the basic formula for good relationships – at work and, of course, in private.

A dispute over everyday issues

It’s annoying when you get back at home every three days to get a fight about who’s taking the trash, right? There are also tons of such everyday topics in everyday office life. Anyone who texts their colleagues or even the boss with it all the time has to reckon with the you-annoying-receipt at some point. Better clarify it once and agree on a rule that both can live with – and then it’s quiet.

Routine and boredom

If the butterflies in your stomach have evaporated in a fresh partnership, this is often the beginning of boredom. The same rituals every day – only together. Boredom at work, that’s what I wrote about here and it’s one of the most read and commented articles on the blog. Those who are bored leave. Employees and managers should discuss what they can do about boredom to keep the relationship fresh on the job.

Sit out problems

Depending on the company’s error culture, this is very popular. Sit out until problems vanish by themselves because they are no longer relevant or someone else has done it. That is neither collegial nor economical for the company. Here, too, clarity and the active search for solutions is the best solution in most cases.

Cover up errors

The main thing is that your own vest stays white. Sometimes I think employees spend more time covering up bugs than working on solutions. You construct watertight alibis and are a master in documenting long mail traffic as evidence. But if the boss finds out, the conflict threatens. And in many cases, this behavior is also a relationship killer with colleagues.


Particularly popular among female colleagues. “Why is Ms. Muller allowed to travel with the boss and I’m not?!” Jealousy in the partnership leads to control behavior and is – exaggerated – often the trigger for arguments. Even at work, both parties should consider objectively what the reasons for the jealousy are and clarify it.

Be resentful

If the boss tells his employee the mistake from a year ago every week, then at some point it gets annoying. Those who hold grudges hold back with their thoughts in the past, calculate up, and keep working on a topic that has obviously not yet been clarified. To look to the future with colleagues, you (both) should clarify the matter and decide to finally put it in the files.

Too much closeness or tightness

Anyone who hangs like a burdock on their partner’s skirt at home may also follow their employees or colleagues at every turn at work. Too much closeness in the job narrows. Many employees want a certain amount of leeway in thinking and acting. Together in the team and with the manager, determine how close you are and what leeway you need yourself to do a good job.

Lack of engagement

Anyone who sucks in front of the telly with a bottle of beer on the sofa every evening will at some point feel a headwind in the relationship. If you just sit back in your job, let others do it, and show no initiative of your own, you may be fed through in certain companies, but at some point, your colleagues here to get on the roof because of unjust behavior or the boss demands more performance.

Isolation or Distance

Most jobs live from the interaction of people. This will become even more important in the future. Those who keep isolating themselves from the group run the risk of not only losing touch concerning content but also of being no longer noticed by colleagues and managers. Those who isolate themselves no longer invest in cultivating relationships.


A perfectly developed discipline in many companies. And blame is often followed by justification. A ping pong game that not only regularly leaves thick air, but is also extremely unproductive. A good error culture, on the other hand, gets by without accusations and justifications.

Lack of recognition

How is it for you in a partnership when your loved one does not see what you are doing around the house and does not at least tell you from time to time how great you are? Lack of recognition in the job is the most common reason why employees show their boss the red card and leave. A relationship killer that is especially true at work, because self-realization and recognition were the most important values ​​for a career in my study.

Break agreements

This is especially frustrating for employees. The boss, who promised them the raise in the last conversation, but now backs down and even blames it on the personnel manager. And the same applies to employees: if you often promise something to your superior but then cannot keep it, you endanger your credibility and thus the good relationship.


“You’re always doing it all wrong!” Such generalizations are attacks that the person concerned often takes personally. As a rule, they are factually incorrect and serve (consciously or unconsciously) to pee on the other person’s leg. It is easy for many bosses to demonstrate the power and exert pressure in this way. But because there is a lack of clarity, the employee cannot do anything with it and, depending on the type, additionally distances or confronts the personal injury. Not good for the relationship!


“Ms. Meier, YOU should have known that!” Accusations in combination with generalizations are particularly common. Such an accusation is quickly said and affects. But the same applies here as with the blame: It does not take both sides in the business one step further, but only burdens the personal relationship.

Don’t make decisions

Many employees complain in my coaching about the fact that their bosses don’t make decisions. “That’s why he’s boss!” I hear a lot. Yes, if nobody in the company makes decisions anymore out of fear of the consequences, then it drives the employees on the lower hierarchical levels especially crazy because they lack the clarity of their work. The result: at some point, they no longer take their managers seriously and the brave among them just do their own thing.

No time for each other

You also know this from private relationships, even if only from friends. Maintaining good relationships takes time. The boss who rushes from meeting to meeting every day and has no more time left for his team runs the risk of damaging the relationship here too. The motto here is “Get out of the day-to-day business!” And actively create space for more time to maintain relationships at work.

The love of money

“Opinions differ on money,” they say. Even if the money in the job is no longer the number one motivator for many employees today, it remains an issue that has a major impact on relationships in working life. The colleague who earns more but works less. The boss who promises the rise but doesn’t implement it. Missed promotion for the third year in a row. Money has a lot to do with a sense of justice, which is very important for collegial relationships.

Poor personal hygiene

A minimum level of hygiene, which is important for most of us for an intimate relationship in a partnership, also plays a major role in our job. Especially where people have to work together in a confined space. In open-plan offices, in medical practices, or a narrow two-person office. Smelly coworkers can be a problem and ruin the relationship. Because many employees are unsure how to deal with it and tend to distance themselves from the stinker than to point it out.

10 tips for good relationships at work

The relationship is the good line between two people. It doesn’t matter whether they get into bed with each other or are just colleagues at work.

Good relationships can cope with a solid argument or an announcement from the boss. Because both sides are clear: We may clash on the matter, but our personal relationship is so strong that it can endure or is even strengthened by it.

However, if the relationship is already cracking, then the slightest prick is often enough to break off contacts, switch to confrontation, do duty at work, or even give notice of termination.

What strengthens the relationship in private life can also be applied to the job. Here are 10 tips that you as a manager and also as an employee can do to maintain a good professional relationship with your boss and colleagues:

  1. Show real interest and the honest signal “You are important to me!”
  2. Create a sense of togetherness between boss and employee or in a team.
  3. Accept weaknesses or mistakes to recognize the positive again.
  4. Clarify mutual expectations and requirements.
  5. Create rules as far as it makes sense and shows consistency in action.
  6. Consciously breakthrough established ways of thinking and behaving.
  7. Try to understand each other’s worldviews, values ​, and goals.
  8. Take time for each other and also listen actively.
  9. Look for solutions together, if necessary with the participation of neutral third parties.
  10. Don’t lose sight of your own needs and values.

And what to do if the relationship is permanently disrupted? What if the trust is so damaged that one or both sides see no chance of getting the relationship back on its feet? Just as the separation or divorce is a liberating and correct step for many couples in private, the same applies in the job: Better to separate from each other than endure permanently bad relationships.

Training soft skills: How to improve your social skills

Soft skills are becoming more and more important for success at work. Learned specialist knowledge and methodological competence are only half the battle. Because if your attitude and relationship with yourself and others are not right, you will not advance your 1.0 degree and all of your knowledge alone. HR managers complain about a lack of soft skills among applicants and candidates underestimate the importance of the hiring process, as this study shows. With the increasing change in the world of work towards more project work, interdisciplinary, agile, or even virtual teams, and more individual responsibility, the importance of social skills will continue to increase. Soft skills can be trained. Not overnight in a weekend seminar, but through awareness, mindfulness and attention, observation, and self-reflection. The great thing about it: You can train it anytime, anywhere. In private life as well as at work. Regardless of whether you are a schoolchild, student, young professional, or old hand, you can work on your soft skills every day on the side, but in a targeted manner:Soft skills что это? Примеры софт скиллс и зачем они нужны.

Training soft skills: 6 exercises for more social competence

Any form of exercise is effective if you focus. Therefore, I present a weekly plan with which you can train and develop a different social competence every day.

Perhaps you will have to leave your usual comfort zone for this workout. Dare to go out step by step as far as you want and believe that it is good for you. Training shouldn’t be torture! Be curious whether and what will change.

You will likely find yourself in a situation where you will fall back into old habits. If you really get into the exercise of the day, you will quickly recognize these situations. Try doing something different than usual to actively train new behavior. Perhaps those around you will shake heads and reap amazement. This is normal, as your behavior is unfamiliar to others.

Monday: Active listening

Today you are listening carefully to what others have to say. Concentrate on consciously taking in everything that he/she says when talking to the boss, colleague, or partner. During this time, press the pause button for your own movie in your head. Do you really care! (Only if you are really interested, of course.) Take note of as much information from your counterpart as possible. Pay attention not only to the content but also to language, posture, gestures, and facial expressions.

My tip: Imagine you have to repeat what the other person said at the beginning of your answer before making your statement. Just introduce yourself, otherwise, the conversation will be stiff and silly. When it is your turn, say what is important to you in response. Active listening is exhausting. But you will be surprised how much communication benefits from it because there are no misunderstandings and you simply “understand” each other better.

Tuesday: Appreciation

No, today you shouldn’t praise everything and everyone. That would not be authentic! Rather, be careful not only to look for problems and criticize mistakes but also successes and see what works well. Acknowledge it in yourself and speak it out to others. Appreciate your achievements and the achievements of others, even if they may not be anything special for you at first are. Your appreciation and praise should be meant to be authentic and genuine.

Find out for yourself today what appreciation and recognition mean for you in your various roles in your professional and private life. In which situations or with which people do you find it easy/difficult to be appreciative and why is that? On the other hand: Who would you like to have more appreciation from yourself and what can you contribute to this yourself? What changes in your relationship with yourself and with others on your Appreciation Tuesday?

Wednesday: empathy

Any behavior makes sense in any context. If a colleague or employee annoys you again, put yourself in his / her position and ask yourself: Why is it important to him/her to behave like this and not differently? What is going on in the head of the other? Don’t rush to judge or judge behavior because you would do something differently or think you know better. Try to understand the behavior of others in their context.

Many people mistake empathy for pity. But compassion and compassion make a difference. Put on your counterpart’s glasses and try to see the subject in the room through their perspective. Get to know the people around you with their values ​​and points of view: What is important to them and why? For the executives among you: How do your employees feel? How do the employees perceive themselves and how do you perceive them? What do your employees need from you to do a good job?

It’s not about analyzing and understanding every other behavior. Then you would be very busy and only read minds. No, rather it is about your own awareness that other people can have a different view of things and that there is not always a right or wrong. Extend your emotional antennae on Wednesdays and be particularly aware of interpersonal relationships.

Thursday: Teamwork

Today it’s about being strong and successful together. Teamwork will become more and more important in the future. Teamwork doesn’t stop with your employer, it also affects your private life. How well can you get involved with other people, pursue ideas together and work on solutions? Even if you don’t have a single appointment today, you are sure to come into contact with colleagues or other people in some form. Teamwork also means carrying the older neighbors’ purchases up the stairs or helping colleagues with difficult tasks.

Pay attention today to how you can use which of your strengths for the benefit of the community. Do not wait until someone asks you for advice; offer your support (not intrusively!). If you are working in a team today or if a meeting is pending, then pay attention to which role you play in the team and which might be different in the future. Also, keep your eyes and ears open to see how others perceive you as a team member. Are you accepted and welcome to the team? If so, what exactly is it that others appreciate about you? If not, what can you do to improve teamwork yourself?

Friday: personal responsibility

Before the weekend starts, become the boss today – of your own life! Take responsibility for your actions. Today you neither put the blame in the shoes of others nor avoid things or mutate into a fellow pig. Make an active decision on what is important to you at this moment. Throughout the day, pay attention to the situations in which you would most like to give up responsibility because you are used to it and it would be so easy. Ask yourself whether it is right not to take responsibility in this situation (if so, who is actually responsible?) Or whether you should actively take it instead?

On this day you will quickly notice how often you don’t feel responsible out of habit, even though you actually are. Typical are cases where you whine, are angry at others, or resent about something. Your exercise today: If you notice these feelings, do not be a victim of the bad circumstances, but clarify for yourself what the situation has to do with you and whether or how you can take responsibility instead – to your boss Life day.

Saturday: Weekly Review

Today you reflect on your experiences of the past week. What worked well and where did you feel comfortable? What did you find difficult and what do you think was the cause? What do you plan to do for the next week, continue training, or do differently?

Social competence includes two aspects: It is the behavior with and to yourself and also the behavior with and to others. Separate your weekly review according to this distinction:

What have you personally brought last week’s training? How have your own perception, behavior, motivation, self-discipline, self-esteem, and self-awareness changed? Is there anything that has changed and if so, was it helpful and good for you?

What has changed compared to? Your ability to criticize or deal with conflict, ability to work in a team, ability to compromise, tolerance, communication, appreciation of others. How did you experience your interaction with others and what reactions did you observe from others towards you?

Sunday: rest day

I guess you know what to do today.

You probably guessed it: a week of soft skills training is not enough. As for all competencies, the maxim of lifelong learning also applies here. If you are “in practice”, then forget your weekly plan and train what is important for you, your position, and your environment.

Anonymous application: How to protect your new employer from discrimination

The anonymous application will be discussed again these days. Success reports of good (random) hits in recruiting are increasing. Logical. Because if there is no longer any data such as date of birth or gender, then neither the machine algorithm nor the human brain can accidentally sort out technically excellent applicants. But what does that mean to apply anonymously? I’ll play it through below for the résumé and certificates – with a wink! Is it really the case that companies and applicants can find each other better when recruiters can no longer form a picture? The General Equal Treatment Act (AGG) created the legal obligation to ensure equal treatment 10 years ago. But unfortunately, there is still no safely functioning off button on us humans for prejudices and stereotyped thinking. Discrimination in the workplace remains an issue. The solution to oblige applicants to apply without a face or profile to prevent discrimination, I don’t think that’s a good idea.Are anonymous applications a good thing? | Jobsite Worklife

Applicants, finally protect the company from discrimination!

The General Equal Treatment Act (AGG) celebrated its 10th anniversary in August 2016. The aim of the law was or is to “prevent or eliminate discrimination based on race or ethnic origin, gender, religion or belief, disability, age or sexual identity.” This applies to the selection – and employment conditions, working conditions, vocational training, social benefits, and everything that has anything to do with education.

So everything should be sorted out. Well, paragraphs 8-10 of the AGG allow plenty of exceptions when the inadmissibility of the disadvantage is permissible as long as there are valid reasons for this. This is the case, for example, with the upper age limit for pilots, as the labor courts ruled. I personally think that’s right.

Many applicants today feel the downside of the AGG in a completely different way. Because after a rejection they are interested in why it didn’t work out. They do not get any answers beyond “Does not fit!” – unless there is a conversation behind closed doors. Learning from mistakes in the application process and feedback from the other party is almost impossible today. Companies are too afraid of being sued for violating the AGG if the reasons are given.

Discrimination still exists in today’s world of work despite the law. This is borne out by current figures such as those from the Federal Anti-Discrimination Agency, and this is the result of a study by the University of Konstanz that showed disadvantages for applicants with Turkish names. It goes without saying that there should no longer be a place for discrimination in our society. Given the current number of refugees, we will not do ourselves any favors on the labor market. However, I doubt whether the emerging calls for even stricter legislation to prevent discrimination are the solution.

Back to the anonymous application. How does that fit in with the AGG? Isn’t it an obvious declaration of bankruptcy that the law is nothing more than a piece of paper and that decision-makers, as people in companies, cannot free themselves from stereotyped thinking and unjust judgment? Because processes may even only run subconsciously in their heads that, when looking at an applicant’s photo, decide whether they are sympathetic or antipathetic and thus whether they are invited or rejected. Because they are certain that a 50-year-old applicant is less flexible than a 25-year-old university graduate. Because they have an image in their head of an ideal candidate to fill the vacant position in the team and this is a middle-aged woman. Yes, that is pure inequality of opportunity and no HR manager or boss would admit that.

What would you do if you, as an employer, noticed that the attempt to enforce equal treatment by law was not working?

Is the anonymous application a clever move by companies to give up responsibility and escape the discrimination trap as an employer by obliging their applicants to only apply anonymously? Because if you literally can’t get a picture of a candidate, you can’t discriminate.

Why this is in my opinion way too short, more on that later. Before that, I would like to take the anonymous application experiment a little to the extreme:

This is what your perfect anonymous application looks like

What belongs in a perfect anonymous application not in? Just leaving out the photo would be too short-sighted, because your tracks on the internet are huge today. We all know that HR professionals today, incognito, scour social networks for applicants. And when they land on your Facebook profile and find you on malls in shorts and drinking beer, then anonymity is over – and the job!

Here are – with a wink – the five really crucial points for your application to be 100 percent anonymous:

No personal data

This includes your name, date of birth, place of birth, place of residence, marital status, and telephone number. In any case, you must ensure that the recipient of your application cannot find you using the address information or the reverse search of the telephone information. Anyone who finds out your name is lost and the door to discrimination is open again. Go through all the documents, certificates, and certificates that you have to attach as evidence of your professional qualification and blackout everything there that could indicate your name, gender, age, or origin.

Neutral, reputable email address

In the unlikely event that the company is interested in you as an applicant, a contact option is useful. Since you keep your address and telephone number anonymous, set up a neutral (!) E-mail address with a reputable e-mail provider. Ideally according to the example: [email protected]

Avatar as a placeholder for your personality

So that your anonymous résumé does not come across as unaccustomedly naked, use an avatar. Now, don’t fall into the trap, and be sure to use a gender-neutral image so the company can’t make any guesses as to whether you are a male or a female. To be on the safe side, be sure to swap the photos in all your social networks for this picture during the application phase.

Blacking out ex-employers

You know how small the world is sometimes. Two HR managers meet at a conference and it is easy to find out how you left your ex-employer. So: do not mention the company name on your résumé, but rather the industry. But be careful here too: If there aren’t too many companies there, you could give them away too. It is not rocket science for a hard-working HR officer to phone all the companies in question and ask who was employed there during the period mentioned. Even when describing the job title or position, you have to be careful not to give away the information about the name of the ex-employer – for example, if you were “Brand Manager Nutella”. Don’t mention years on your résumé, a good mathematician could calculate your age.

Blackout any reference documents that have logos addresses on the stationery, or signatures of your senior executives. Also blackout the description of your activities in the certificates, this can reveal you! What counts is just the assessment of your old employer anyway, so sentences like “ Mr. Slaghuis always speaks to customers, colleagues and superiors behave in an exemplary manner.”

Do not sign documents

Today hardly any applicant (unfortunately!) signs their cover letter and CV by hand with a scanned signature anyway. If you of all people have done it so far: Don’t do it! This is pure personality and the death knell for your anonymous application. The other side could immediately recognize your girl’s handwriting or assume a high dominance if your writing is strongly tilted to the right. You don’t even believe what can be read graphologically from signatures.

Why anonymous application does not protect against discrimination

If you have not yet recognized my undertone and the exaggeration in the tips for your guaranteed anonymous application, then I say here in all clarity: I do not believe in the anonymous application and I believe that the procedure is not suitable for the job market does well and is also highly inefficient for the recruiting process.

Even today, employers and applicants find it extremely difficult to find each other well. Because job postings are imprecise and full of platitudes and applicants answer them conscientiously so as not to be automatically sorted out because of missing keywords. Because applicants today send out masses of applications with one click using the watering can principle and hardly take any time to think about what and who really suits them.

Most of the cover letters I read from applicants are full of empty phrases and justifications for making mistakes on the CV about why they are the best candidate for the position. They list their specialist knowledge and work experience but remain intangible in terms of their personality and social skills. In the future, it will be more and more important for our new forms of cooperation. Even today, hardly any employer can get a clear picture of an applicant and make a good decision as to whether the effort involved in the invitation to the interview is worthwhile. The anonymous application leads even more to the fact that the profile of the applicant is blurred.

Rethinking in your head instead of disguising more

From my point of view, only the opposite direction can solve today’s problems – whether we call them a shortage of skilled workers or a war for talents. Applicants and recruiters come together well when both sides create as much clarity as possible about themselves as early as possible in the search process. So it’s better to have clear job profiles with high-quality requirements and applications with which those interested in a job actually show who they are, what makes them tick, what is important to them, and where they want to go.

The solution to the problem of discrimination as a result of conscious or unconscious unequal treatment of people, in my view, does not lie in withholding information to protect decision-makers, but rather in changing their personal attitude and their own consciousness.

When employers don’t just stick to the colorful flags, but actually understand that diversity makes a team stronger, that women are also good managers, and that applicants 50+ bring valuable experience to a company, then the pigeonhole thinking comes into their own The End. More “You mustn’t do that!”, However, narrows it down further and, in my opinion, increases the risk of misconduct

Instead of narrowing it down, more freedom, especially when it comes to thinking, would do well when it comes to anti-discrimination and equal treatment. Because it is about recognizing and adopting a personal self-image of the equality of different people. Anonymous application is a tried and tested means to an end. But it is unlikely to change people’s attitudes and thinking. And at the latest in the interview, the veil is lifted and Murat continues to lose to Michael.