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Mind reading on the job: 3 tips for more clarity instead of interpretation

Are you also a mind reader and know exactly what the minds of your colleagues or the boss look like? You develop theories from it and in the next instant, your hypotheses become certain truth. And because you are so good at it, everyone else has to be the perfect mind reader too: “The boss must see that I’m stressed!” Or in a partnership: “Don’t you notice that you are disturbing?!” The consequences: Misunderstandings in communication, colleagues who are just annoying, unnecessary mistakes, arguments, and stress. Why not just create clarity? Life would be so much easier without mind-reading!

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Mind reading: I know what you are thinking

Observe. Interpret. Conclude. And then: either act or do it all over again. I wonder when we actually learned this fine art of mind reading. And above all, for what this is still necessary today in interpersonal dealings.

Maybe it dates back to the Stone Age when we had to judge from the facial expression of the neighbor from the cave opposite whether he was throwing a spear at us or whether he was just dropping by to paint a wall together.

Or does it come from the experience with babies who cannot tell us that the first tooth pinches or the stomach hurt? That would at least explain why I observe especially in women that they are perfectly trained in mind reading.

Jokes aside – we are constantly interpreting what we see and believe we know the truth. There is probably no one of you who would say “No, not me!” – I would not be able to say that about myself either.

And I also know what you need

I find it interesting that we very often derive from “I know what you think” in the next second “I know what you need”. Yes, maybe this will work for couples who have been together for 20 years and know for sure what is right for the partner in certain situations. But at work and among colleagues or in the collaboration between boss and employee, this logic can also go really wrong:

“But Meier just exhaled loudly …
Would I go over and help him?”

She walks over. “Hey, do you need help?” – “No, why?” – “You were panting so loudly.” – “What you can hear.” – “Yes. I thought you couldn’t manage the presentation for the boss and you could use some help. ”-“ Yes, just let me work in peace! ”She goes back to her desk and thinks“ Idiot! I just wanted to help! ”

Meier actually has a cold, his nose is tight and that annoys him.

“But Mr. Schmidt stays in the office for a long time …
Will I overwhelm him as the boss?”

Mr. Schmidt is new to his team. It’s the fourth evening in a row that he’s going ahead of him as boss. “Mr. Schmidt, why don’t you call it a day too?” – “I still need something.” – “Do you have any questions or cannot cope with something?” – “No, no, no problem!” – “If it gets too much for you straight, then we’ll speak tomorrow morning. ”-“ No, that is not necessary. ”

In fact, Mr. Schmidt stays in the office longer because he’ll be home much faster after the rush hour.

“Steffi has been so quiet since yesterday…
Did I hurt her?”

She’s still talking to the colleague, so it must be up to me … whether she resented me that I praised her new shoes yesterday, but didn’t notice that she was also wearing new glasses? … Or maybe because I didn’t go to lunch with her, but with Paul? … Maybe she is stressed at home too? … Should I ask you about it? … Better not, first, keep watching … etc.

That is probably the classic. We blame ourselves for the behavior we see in other people. With mind-reading, we then try to understand the other and to find out the real background. Either to wash in or to do everything well as a savior.

When observation becomes the hypothesis of the truth

The examples show that the motives for certain behavior can be completely different from what we believe. There are as many truths as there are people. Each of us looks at the world through our own glasses. Everyone has different values and goals.

A supposedly logical framework of puzzle pieces is built up, which in the end can only lead to a single truth in your own perception. Even in conversation with one another, this is so firmly anchored that we often don’t even think that our counterpart is looking through completely different glasses. We are often so trapped in our own films that we lack the openness and awareness of alternative perspectives. Misunderstandings and misunderstandings are often the results of communication and interaction.

Applicants love mind reading

Especially when I work with applicants, I observe that they make life difficult for themselves and that HR professionals are agonizing over their heads. Behind every potential trick question, a deeper psychological background is assumed.

“What do you like to do in your free time?”

And the thought carousel begins with the applicant: Warning trap! – They definitely want to hear something about team spirit and leadership qualities on this question. – I’m sure that guy I like when I say mountaineering. – And I could sell my volunteer work in the retirement home to the nice HR manager as a hobby. – Oh dear! She looks at me now very disturbed and rubs her right eye. That was definitely the wrong answer and they won’t take me.

If you turn off mind reading, you not only have a lot more resources free for your own good answers, but you also come across as more eloquent. Yes, and if you do not know exactly where you are at this moment, ask: “Are you really interested in my real hobbies or do you expect me to list hobbies that allow good conclusions about my work with you?“

Not reading minds also means saying what is going through your head and thus creating clarity for you. I believe that you can do that today as an applicant, I wrote about this here before.

When employees train their bosses to be mind readers

Wouldn’t it be practical if every boss could blindly understand their employees? Without long explanations, he sees everything and always brings the world back to order. A dream, right?

No, unfortunately sometimes reality. Because clever employees train their managers and colleagues to read their minds. Last week I wrote about fellow pigs here. The diva is a typical case of personality in the office who expects everyone around her to be wrapped in cotton wool, to immediately recognize when she is feeling bad and to know what she needs then.

Anyone who, as a manager, gets involved in this game and jumps as soon as the smallest problem occurs in the team, becomes dependent and at the same time deprives the employees of their personal responsibility. The parent-boss as mind reader will see it for himself and fix it again – this is the attitude of these employees.

Through this behavior, you will forget how to openly address problems and questions with your manager or in the team. Instead, they are constantly trying to use their behavior or body language to lead others to believe that something is wrong. Yes, that sounds exhausting, but it’s everyday life in so many companies and devours a huge amount of resources. And it is behavior that will definitely not work in the mobile working world tomorrow.

3 tips on how to do a better job without mind-reading

Actively ask questions to create clarity

Mind reading is the attempt to gain clarity without communicating. A large part of the conflicts both in leadership and in the team that I experience in coaching simply result from a lack of clarity in communication. Things that are not said because they are taken for granted or information that is incorrectly transmitted between sender and recipient as a result of unclear communication.

Whenever you have the feeling that something is not clear or you suspect that you may have misunderstood something, actively ask instead of constructing your own truth. And if you have to ask your boss three times before you know what exactly he wants from you, this is better than independently hypothesizing out of shame and maybe doing mistakes or unnecessary work.

Trust the other to say what he really thinks

Who expects you to have clairvoyant skills? You could also relax and trust that your colleague will contact you if something is bothering him. Do you think he wouldn’t say it then? – Yes, but then it’s his problem and not yours.

Expecting another person to be able to look inside my head is a pretty high standard of thinking. Try to relax on the next burst of mind-reading and pass the responsibility on to the other person. If he really cares that you know what he is thinking or feeling, then he can say so instead of hoping you will figure it out yourself. On the other hand, if you have a real interest in finding out, then you can ask.

Openness to other perspectives and not to conclude others

The dangerous thing about mind reading is that we often infer others from ourselves. If you puff out loudly as soon as you get stuck on something, then this does not have to be the case for your colleague. If you enjoy leaving work early to be with your family, then maybe your colleague can work most productively in the evening. Make yourself aware that not everyone is like you.

Make yourself aware that other people see the world through different eyes. What matters in your world may mean different things to other people. This makes mind-reading impossible because you can never be sure what is going on in someone else’s head. If you’re really interested, just ask: What is going through your head?

Boredom in the office: anything but a luxury problem

Would you have thought that every week Monday in German offices is the greatest boredom? At least on this weekday, a particularly large number of googles for “nothing to do at work” or “boredom in the office” and land on my post, which I published here almost a year ago. Under no other article do so many readers comment on their experiences in such detail. The amazing thing is that many young professionals among them complain of boredom in their first jobs. The topic is relevant. Therefore, I am taking it up again today and hypothesizing that Boreout is even a phenomenon of the modern world of work. I venture a few attempts to explain the causes and show what is going on in the minds of many of those affected. Because one thing is clear: for the chronically bored, this is anything but a luxury problem.

Boredom in the office: the causes

Employees who complain of boredom in the office are neither lazy nor stupid. At least that’s my impression when I look at the comments here and when I work with Boreout sufferers in coaching. On the contrary: many of them are highly motivated, well trained, and reflective. They are stuck in jobs for which they are overqualified or they are trapped in systems that completely do not correspond to their own values and work ideas. But how can this even happen?

Management and leadership failure

Some employees tell me that their bosses no longer have time for them and are losing sight of them – I wrote about this here. If executives are only turning on their own hamster wheels or believe that modern leadership means letting the employees run as freely as possible like chickens in floor housing, then there is no more leadership. What heaven on earth is to independence-loving employees, hell is to others who need a controlling hand and firm guard rails for meaningful work.

Besides, the fact that personnel policy in the company is driven by permanent positions and the more status and power a manager experiences, the more heads he is allowed to manage, this is the ideal breeding ground for turning a blind eye when your own employees have nothing to do. Because whoever voluntarily shrinks his management span, is also sawing his power. This is the only way I can explain to myself that the bored are surprised that their employer has been feeding them for so long for fruitless idleness.

Stunted social skills, personal responsibility

It would be too easy to just pass the buck on the employer. There are two sides to a good working relationship. My perception is that many workers today lean back with the attitude “I’m not responsible for that!”. But from this attitude, it is not far to the poor, little victim who is doing so badly and who only looks to others to blame for the misery. Most of those who are bored at work that I experience are stuck in exactly this attitude, which not only robs them of an incredible amount of strength but also makes them believe that they have no chance of being able to change anything in their situation themselves.

My opinion: Personal responsibility as social competence, especially among young people, continues to be massively threatened with extinction the more school-based training and study become. Pupils and students do not learn early on to organize themselves and to take responsibility for their thoughts and actions and encounter the above-mentioned management failure or inefficient structures in the job, useless hanging around, and boredom due to a lack of awareness of alternative courses of action are the logical consequence.

Too high expectations of young professionals

In the last few weeks, I have wondered why so many young people comment under my post and complain about their suffering. Could it be that the “Generation Y Bachelor” starts as a top manager of tomorrow with the expectation to work on exciting projects on the spot and to jet around the world in international corporations?

But then the young managers suddenly spend hours at copiers, spend weeks stupidly creating PowerPoint slides for their bosses, or after a few months, they realize that work also means a lot of routines. Welcome to reality with antediluvian work processes and menial jobs for the newbies in some places. Can that be a reason? Felt boredom as a result of high expectations of career starters? – I would be very interested in your opinion.

Boredom victims keep looking wrong as applicants

A noticeable number of “boredom victims” report to me that they have already changed employers several times and are falling into the same “trap” over and over again. I see résumés with annual changes at the last stations. Yes, boredom seems to have a system here. Either because those affected always use the same misleading search mechanism as applicants or they always convey the same (incorrect) image of themselves with their application.

It’s strange: Anyone who has had bad experiences once knows what they no longer want and what to look out for with their next employer. This logic does not seem to apply to many boredoms. Because they are often not at all aware of what they need instead and how, when changing jobs, they recognize an employer who is better suited to them and who appreciates their skills and potential.

The symptoms: How bored people feel and how you can recognize a boreout

If I compare the behavior of burnout and boreout sufferers, then there are many parallels: Both of them pull themselves deeper and deeper into the problem through what they see as logical behavior. Both lose sight of their own body and their warning signals. As the condition progresses, both see fewer and fewer opportunities to change something. Both suffer from psychological and physical symptoms such as insomnia, nervousness, weight loss, and even depression. And for both, the private environment is often no help to get out of the stressful situation: Because the overwhelmed is sure that he is doing the right thing and the bored is ridiculed for his luxury problem.

Avoidance: Just don’t attract attention!

The strategies to avoid boredom in the office, such as deception or self-deception, were discussed in the article at the time. Every employee in permanent employment is afraid of losing his job. Employees do not go to their boss and complain about too little work over the long term. So hush up for the hell of it. Screens are rotated so that boss and colleagues cannot see private surfing. The simplest work is dragged out so much that it always gives the impression of being busy.

Don’t be noticed! This is the biggest drain on energy when bored in the office. A strategy for blind bosses or particularly socially-minded employers can save their own job and thus the secure salary for years, but which in the end only makes everything worse. Because each of you probably knows from your own, albeit brief, experience how exhausting doing nothing while being present at the same time can be.

Helplessness: I can’t do anything!

With increasing weakness as a result of avoidance and inaction, the feeling of helplessness increases. “I have nothing to do!” Becomes the irrevocable belief “I can’t do anything!” This attitude resonates in many of the comments under my first post. Those affected see themselves as victims of the circumstances and the system in which they are trapped. Not only that they have already tried everything, no, but they also do not have the spark of an idea of what they can contribute to positively changing the stressful situation. The result: perseverance, enduring increasing frustration, and hoping for improvement.

Frustration: Nobody takes me seriously!

In my experience, this is the biggest problem that chronically under-challenged people have in their job and that, in my opinion, is the reason that boreout is later recognized as burnout by and by those affected. While those who are stressed get signals from their environment that draw attention to too much work, those at risk of boreout are often ridiculed: “Be happy if you have nothing to do and get money for it – I am constantly stressed and even earn less than you! ”

Many clients shyly and scared ask me if they are plagued by a luxury problem. You notice that something is wrong, but at the same time, you get a reflection from those around you that your problem is not really one. And those who hear it often enough believe in it. But the physical and psychological symptoms speak a different language. Uncertainty about the right behavior and, as a consequence, withdrawal from the social environment are often the consequences, but they make the situation even worse.

The way-out: 8 steps against boredom in the office

Create clarity about your own values and goals

If you are looking for clarity about a solution, you first need clarity about yourself. What is important in your job and life and what of these is hurt or not fulfilled in your current job? What is it that burdens you so much with your current employer and what more do you wish for? This awareness is not only necessary to get out of the situation, but also to consciously make sure in the next step that these things are fulfilled as far as possible with the next employer.

Leave your victim role

As long as you wallow in self-pity and hold only your boss, colleagues, or society responsible for your situation, you will not accept a solution. Decide whether you really need this role as a victim of circumstances and whether this attitude is good for something, or whether you want to become the designer of your life yourself again, then with it …

Take on more personal responsibility again

You probably have to slowly learn to take responsibility again. Even if your boss is incompetent and does not lead you and even if you have ended up in a company that hoards too many jobs for too little work, you remain the boss of your life. In everyday life, pay attention to the situations in which you give up responsibility, because you are used to it and that is also very convenient, and when you can take on more responsibility yourself instead.

Break habits

Your day-to-day work and your private life probably now consist of many routines and automatisms that are the result of boredom in the office. Try to deliberately interrupt such automatisms that served to conceal or distract from boredom. Each of these steps is an unfamiliar and supposedly dangerous step out of your habitual and comfort zone. See how it feels and see if it gets you further.

Recharge your batteries

What seems a bit esoteric is, from my experience, an extremely important key to success, especially with job changers and applicants. Any frustration – and with it also stressful boredom – gnaws at you. Looking for a job in this state or having a constructive conversation with the boss is usually not a good idea. Change small things and pay attention to what gives you new strength and energy in everyday life and at work and thus strengthens you for the future. Perhaps it is also a short break, which – if your finances allow it – is good preparation for the new.

Find solutions: stay or go?

For many bored people, one thing is certain: “I have to get out of there!” With their current employer, they no longer see any possibility of making such fundamental changes to enjoy their job again. Nevertheless, it is often worthwhile to consider this as well. Because the blinkers as a natural reaction to frustration have often become so big that many employees no longer have some sensible solutions in mind at the same employer.

Make consistent decisions

Decisions are part of changes. Many people who are frustrated and bored long long hope that others will make the decisions for them – for example in the form of termination. That too is relinquishing responsibility. So if you have found a path that seems sensible to you today, then make decisions after weighing the advantages and disadvantages as well as the consequences and go the way. And if you find way that this path is not leading you in the desired direction, you can make new decisions.

Get help

No, this is not the advertising block for coaching with me. If you have read this far, you may have noticed that many employees who complain of boredom in the office find it difficult to do it on their own find out the situation. Because your own environment is often not a good advisor either. Allow yourself to seek professional help as you go around in circles on your own.

As you can see from my first post a year ago and the response to it, but also from the abundance of articles on “Boreout” on the web today, it is not a luxury problem for a few under-challenged, but a relevant and therefore a serious topic in today’s working world. Don’t just accept chronic challenge and boredom at work. Even if it feels like a tepid job and easy money at the beginning, it can quickly lead to permanent frustration.

As an employee, sharpen your awareness that excessive demands not only mean stress, but that permanent under exertion can also make you sick. Friends and families of people who complain of boredom at work should take these warning signs seriously and consider together what options he or she has to change something about this condition and who can help with it. Because luxury problems are always a problem for those affected.

My boss doesn’t see me! So open his eyes

Do you sometimes get the feeling that your boss is in another sphere? Does he design, make strategic contacts, hang around in meetings all day and discuss things with his own kind? And you stay by the wayside! He hardly has any time for you and does not see your performance. You lack recognition and you would be happy if you could see your boss more often to clarify important questions. He’s also supposed to make sure that you take the next step in your career at some point. But what if he doesn’t even have you on his screen? Now you can whine and continue to wonder about your manager’s blindness. Or you can become active yourself. In this case, I have some ideas for you on how to open the eyes of your boss (or your boss) again.

Wait a minute! Who is the boss here?

“I beg your pardon?! Open my boss’s eyes? – I’m definitely not getting paid for that!”- Or what is going through your head at this moment?

If you think and feel this way, then you may be caught in the victim trap: “I’m just the little employee and I have nothing to report anyway. An unimportant cog in the big gear. I’m just supposed to follow instructions. Any criticism would be pointless and if so, then I am considered cheeky or uncomfortable and in the end, I get a warning from the bad boss for my rebellion. ”

Yes, if you feel too hot to change something about this state of affairs, then let it go, carry on as before, somehow deal with your blind boss. Or (Attention, fun mode!) You follow the popular recipes for boss blindness and dress more conspicuously, simply load your work on his desk without being asked and stubbornly bombard him with appointment requests that he can not do otherwise than you finally notice. When you are really annoying to him, then he has to pay attention to you.

If this is not an alternative for you, if you are otherwise happy with your job and therefore do not want to go looking for a new boss, then you should stop hoping for sudden clairvoyance from your boss and instead take action yourself will be.

And you? – Open your own eyes first

Before you tear the blindfold off your boss, you should first take a closer look at yourself. If you have already followed my contributions to fellow pigs, mind readers, and relationship killers on the job, then you have probably noticed that I think it is important to first touch your own nose when dealing with interpersonal conflicts. I often experience that the behavior of their bosses condemned by employees is a mirror or a reaction to their own behavior. How is it with you? Do you have any idea what your part (could have been) in making your boss behave as you perceive him to be today?

The following questions can also help you to see more clearly yourself in this situation: Why do you think that your boss does not see you? How do you actually determine this today and is it really true? How does it compare to your colleagues? Has your boss paid more attention to you in the past and if so, did you behave differently during this time?

And you should also question this critically: Why is it so important to you that your boss has you more in focus? I know employees who would be very happy if they were left alone more. Why are you bothered by the apparent blindness of your manager? Which of your values is this violated? Is recognition or appreciation extremely important to you and that is neglected today? Or is it about promotion, competition with colleagues or status? Or would you like a boss to be a role model from whom you would like to learn a lot? So: What is really behind your wish that your boss should finally keep an eye on you again?

Two people, two perspectives

Your boss is the boss because he has different topics in his sights than you. Even if you and your boss are ideally pursuing identical corporate goals, you work on them at different levels. You are busier with the operational business, but your boss should have the big picture in mind.

It is quite normal and also right for you and your boss to look from different perspectives not only on topics but also on the respective environment in the company. Imagine your glasses are green and your boss ones are red. They see the same thing but perceive it differently. You may even see important red things that your boss cannot see through his red glasses, but he sees the green ones that remain hidden from you.

It is possible that your boss is not as blind as you think and is very aware of you. However, there may be other things that he can see more clearly through his glasses. Especially when your boss has a lot of employees and you are one of his best horses in the stable, he will focus more on those of your colleagues who he has to lead more closely. I’m not saying this is good leadership behavior, but it could explain your perception.

My tip: Try to change your perspective and think about which “glasses” your boss wears in certain situations and what or who he sees as a result – and also has to see so that he does a good job himself. Before you label your boss as a “blind cow” and condemn his behavior towards you, ask yourself the question: Why does he/she behave like this, and could it even be that this behavior also has something positive for you?

Leadership is not a one-way street

No question about it, the word “personnel responsibility” implies responsibility. Your boss is responsible and has the task of leading you well, motivating you, and taking care of your health in the workplace. He should give the direction and tell you what to do (how) and when. He relies on you to complete assigned tasks or give results back to him at an agreed time.

Today I sometimes have the impression that the bosses’ “responsibility” means that the individual employees no longer take responsibility themselves. Because they are used to the fact that their bosses do everything for them in an emergency, it means an effort for them or because they simply do not see it in their current work situation to take responsibility themselves. Even if you don’t want to hear that as an employee, leadership actually becomes a one-way street.

I believe that, as in a modern, equal partnership, both sides are responsible for providing a framework and a working atmosphere in which they can do a good job they are fine. And so, as an employee, you can and should tell your boss if something bothers you, if you see things differently through your “glasses” or if you have questions because you do not understand the purpose of a task or the overarching goal. And if it is important to you that your boss keeps a professional eye on you, then he or she will be very grateful for this tip too.

5 ideas so that your boss can keep an eye on you again:

Talk to your boss about it

You may know by now that I am a friend of clarity. Do you know why it is important to you that your boss has a closer look at you and your work, then ask him for an appointment and discuss the topic in private? Be careful not to end up in blame-justification ping-pong. Explain your point of view and perception and say what you specifically want for the future. This allows your boss to reflect on his behavior, explain the view through his “glasses” and decide how to deal with your concerns. At the end of the conversation, it should be clear to both sides whether and what will change in future cooperation.

Show real interest in current topics

If you are actually happy if you can just do a good job quietly throughout the day, but still want your boss to see the good performance more, then this could be one way. Participate more actively and show real interest in topics to the right and left of your area of responsibility. This can be at lunch with the whole team or at regular team meetings. It’s not about becoming the clown on the team or the jack-of-all-trades in every hallway. It’s about your generally stronger presence. From my point of view, this is primarily a question of one’s own attitude as an extra- or introverted disposition.

Suggest tasks to your boss that you would like to take on

Perhaps your daily job today consists largely of routine tasks, which you also do excellently. Your boss knows this and is happy that he can rely on you and can concentrate on other construction sites with peace of mind. If you feel like livening up work-life yourself, keep your eyes open for topics and tasks that you find exciting and that you think you can do, and that you really want to do. Propose your idea to your boss. It will be important to many bosses that your previous activities are not neglected. You should think about an answer to this question beforehand and take this worry away from your boss.

Find out what the team values you for

Do you have a certain role in the team today or are you just one of many? Is there anything you can do better than your colleagues? What are you valued for in the team today? Can you think of anything? If so, then this can also be a good starting point to bring the boss back into focus again. Pay attention to situations in which these strengths or functions are particularly useful in the team – and use them consciously. Maybe your boss is just looking at the entire team – he shouldn’t! – but this way you have the chance to be perceived as an important part of his team.

Use your personal strengths for your career

I recently read somewhere (can’t find it anymore): “You have to push a career yourself”. Certainly, there is a spark of truth in this, and that closes the circle that you too are the boss of your (work) life and that you have the power to change something.

I experience a lot of employees who are not deployed according to their true strengths and thus also cannot reach their full potential. If that also applies to you and you may only be working on the back burner today, then it is no wonder if you make yourself small and so are not the focus of your boss. Focus more on your real strengths again and work actively and (self) consciously on your career, which you believe will lead you in the right direction over the next few years. This is sure to catch your boss’s eye.

Would you like to open your boss’s eyes?

Of course, not all bosses are as blind and bad managers as I have portrayed them in this article, in some cases greatly exaggerated. And certainly, many employees interpret and dramatize the behavior of their bosses a lot.

But whatever the “truth” looks like, I would like to give you, as an employee, the impulse not to helplessly accept bad relationships with your boss or what you see as insufficient leadership. You have a bigger part in creating a positive collaboration with your manager than you might think today.

Also: Many bosses are very grateful when their employees approach them and give them constructive feedback on their behavior. Because we all know that there are situations in life in which we are blind in both eyes and it is good when someone honestly but respectfully opens our eyes.

Friend or foe? 10 behaviors that will betray your boss

How do you see your boss – as a friend or an enemy? Is he on your side or are you already on his internal hit list? Is it just about his team performing well and pocketing the medals or is he promoting your professional and personal development? Bosses tick very differently: from the authoritarian block of ice to the boss on a cozy course to the sandwich manager and flags in the wind. Is your boss good, does he embody a modern leadership attitude, and is your professional relationship right? Here are 10 of your manager’s behaviors that will help you identify them. Vote at the Chef-Check and see how other readers rated their bosses.

What employees want from their bosses today

If you belong to the young generation of employees or young professionals, then recognition and appreciation are probably very important to you. You are in the mood for top performance and can really hang out if the challenge is fun and you can identify with what you are doing. Power games are alien to you and you could do without the bonus payment for Christmas. But you want to earn individual appreciation for good performance. The boss should see what you are doing, be a role model and encourage you individually in your personal and professional development.

As an experienced professional, you have already gotten to know different bosses and their leadership styles for a few years. You no longer need power-obsessed know-it-all bosses who have to prove themselves to you, instead you want sparring partners who are to be taken seriously at eye level. Whether your manager is 30, the same age, or older than you, does not matter for a good working relationship. The main thing is that she/he leads well! – at least that’s what I hear from most middle-aged job changers.

Regardless of whether they are just starting in their careers or experienced professionals, today’s bosses are expected to be interested in their employees and their opinions, to be personal companions and a clever sparring partner. You should be loyal and predictable, make decisions, and set a good role model both professionally and personally. They should provide support and orientation in an environment that is increasingly characterized by uncertainty, complexity, and speed. They should show their employees the direction and at the same time keep their backs free so that they can do their work. The result instead of presence is the motto because most employees nowadays prefer to be guided in a goal-oriented rather than task-oriented manner.

10 behaviors that characterize good bosses today

Here are 10 behaviors of bosses concerning you as an employee that express modern leadership. Which of these applies to your manager?

If you see a lot of these behaviors in your boss, then you will likely make a good team today. If you could only agree with a few or even none of the statements: Don’t panic! It doesn’t have to mean that your boss is dead or not by you.

Even if these 10 behaviors sound self-evident, it is a very modern attitude as a manager, in which the old-school bosses, who are still authoritarian or patriarchal, have often not yet arrived. Even if it sounds absurd to you at this moment: Then give your manager a little help. After all, leadership is not a one-way street!

Get out of the victim role: get your boss on track!

As an employee, you too have many opportunities to shape the behavior of your manager and the cooperation as a good team. What you can do if your boss has too little focus on you, I wrote about that recently. Bosses have no training in mind reading, so say what is important to you in your job and for good cooperation. Tell them what concerns you when it comes to leadership and what you need and expect from your employer to be motivated and do a really good job.

Because that is exactly why you are there and receive a monthly salary – unless you are really on the hit list and are nothing more than an unpleasant cost item. But then you should see that you are gaining land and giving your boss the cold shoulder as well. Because working time is lifetime and painful perseverance for CV hygiene is yesterday’s career thinking.

If you are dissatisfied with the leadership skills of your boss and it is important to you that the cooperation is on a good footing, then you actively seek the conversation. Important: Make sure that he does not take your feedback as a charge or accusation. Do not talk about their supposed misconduct, but above all about yourself: Describe the observations you have made, how you perceive the behavior, how it affects you, and what you would like to see instead. Explain the background to your feedback and why it is so important to you. Because in this way you allow your manager to understand your perspective and to classify it correctly.

Boss remains boss. Of course, he or she has the right to decide what your feedback means for their own thoughts and actions. But even if nothing changes in the desired direction afterward, you have also become active as your own boss of life. In the vast majority of cases, this is the better alternative compared to passive perseverance.

Friend or foe: your boss’s perspective decides!

What is your own attitude towards your manager? Do you see him or her as a friendly supporter or as a hostile threat? Does the fear overwhelm you when your boss walks past your office in the hallway? Or are you happy that he is seeking contact with his employees? Do you team up with your colleagues against him or do you pull together as a good team with common goals?

Sometimes it seems to me today that bosses per se are turned into bogeymen by their role and the tasks associated with them. The belief quickly becomes established: bosses are bad and the natural enemy of every employee. Because they are personally to blame for too much work, too high demands and they shamelessly use the power to influence their sheep. Yes, it is that easy to declare your boss to be a personal enemy. But is that really true or aren’t you just looking for a stupid culprit among your frustrated colleagues?

Suppose your boss is not your enemy but your colleague and friend. So just as purely hypothetical. How could he or she support you in your daily work? As a good team, what could you learn from each other? In which specific situations could your new “friend” be useful to you?

Just try it out in the next few days. If you see your boss more as an enemy, then consciously banish this familiar image from your head and see him or your boss once more through the uncolored and friendly glasses. If your manager does not actually belong to the very rare species “bullies” or “fellow workers”, you will be amazed at the different light in which you suddenly see certain behaviors and, above all, the new opportunities this opens up for you in your daily work.

In the end, it is of course your own decision whether you work against your boss or with him and thus benefit from his experience and knowledge. Because whether your boss is a friend or an enemy, you too have a great influence on your thoughts and actions.

Misses on your resume? Your attitude as an applicant is decisive!

Are you one of those applicants or employees who are ashamed of certain “missteps” on their résumé? Many applicants warn me about their résumé before sending it to me in advance of a coaching session. Yes, and rightly so! Because anyone who has not at least passed a 1.0 high school diploma, has been promoted from clerk to manager in 5 years is really a damn hard case. And to blame for it are those stupid missteps, for which you must be really, but also really! ashamed, if they also deface your resume. And because I have such a good heart, at the end of this article I will tell you how you as an applicant can still make it into your new job successfully.

For those of you who have not noticed it or are here for the first time: Warning, this text may contain traces of irony!

8 missteps that really spoil every resume:

You wasted a ton of time raising children

How could you look after your children! Don’t you know that, especially as a woman, you can only have a career today if you give your children all-day care right after they are born? Child or Career – that has always been the case and will never change with a women’s quota or stove bonus. In today’s fast-moving world, nobody can afford this downtime. Once you have been out of the job for 2 years, no one will take you after that! You have forgotten everything and no longer know what real work means. Do you have any idea how many software updates have taken place in that time ?! And with changing diapers, counting to 10, or reading stories, you have not exactly acquired skills during that time that you will ever need again at work later. I say yes, a waste of time!

You have changed employers far too often

Your résumé is four pages long and have you changed employers ten times in the last 25 years? Well, it is immediately clear that you won’t be able to take it anywhere for long. And then it doesn’t matter that you have been terminated seven times due to bankruptcy or takeovers. That’s your bad luck! Well, you have seen many bosses, repeatedly familiarized yourself with new topics, and even moved a few times for the job. But that’s worthless because after all you are left with nothing like every two years. So it’s best to find an employer who will shut down in two years so that at least that is a constant in your life!

You have been with an employer all your life

You have been there since your training. Next year you would have celebrated your 25th birthday and given a day of special leave. And now the resignation is on the table. Yes, if you can’t hire direct competition, you don’t stand a chance. Flexibility is required today and that doesn’t seem to apply to you when I look at your résumé. No employer today wants loyal and loyal employees. Not that you’re too comfortable at work. Whoever leaves will be replaced. It’s easy!

You studied the wrong thing or dropped out of your studies

How can you! To start something and then not finish it. Didn’t you know beforehand that this is not for you? You should have inquired better. And simply giving up doesn’t show perseverance. Even if you noticed that you couldn’t see any blood, you could have finished your medical degree so that you could at least have a degree under your belt. Breaking something off is a clear sign of weakness. Or you out there … how could you study ancient Greek and philosophy! Your parents always told you that you couldn’t score points in business. Once you have studied the wrong thing, you will only ever be a stooge for those who have chosen a proper degree or a prestigious education.

Don’t you have a high school diploma?

Your high school diploma from 1980 only shows a 2.2? You definitely have to cover this up when you apply for the next position! Because if you were such a lazy pig back then, nothing has changed until today. And anyway: employers now only select strictly according to grades, sometimes this even works automatically as soon as you have uploaded your certificates. If you are not among the best of the best in the world, there will always be another applicant in front of you and selected who has better grades. No chance. You should have thought of that as a teenager!

You are too far down the career ladder for your age

Excuse me – at 35 you are not a senior manager or at least an executive? Shame yourself! How could that happen? Take a look at the positions of your peers on XING and hold your job title against it. Yes, you are a total loser in this position and it doesn’t help if you actually love your current job and your colleagues, have the best boss in the world, and are happy with your salary. And as you know, by your late 30s, the career train has left for you anyway. From the age of 50 at the latest, as an applicant, you will never have chances on the job market again, unless you follow my tips here.

Your last employer has a bad image

Your employer had a major product recall last year? Or did he make the headlines because of mistakes in top management? – Yes, it is definitely not a pleasure to work for such a company. Everyone on the street is still staring at you about it today. And your family and friends are also wondering how this could happen. The fact that you actually process incoming invoices in accounting no longer matters. As an applicant, you will be associated with this scandal for the rest of your professional life. You have to put up with that for better or worse!

You can kind of do everything, but nothing really

You have already done so much in your life and you are simply interested in anything you can get your hands on. From programming language to composing music to distant countries and cultures. Well, I’m only an economist, so half a business and economist, but neither of them really. So I know what I’m talking about! Yes, such jack-of-all-trades and generalists will have an increasingly difficult time, because companies are now only looking for specialized specialists. If you don’t finally commit yourself to one area, you will get bigger and bigger problems when you have to explain what you can really do.

(irony mode off)

So is life? – It’s your life!

You probably smirked at some points, maybe you would have liked to contradict me loudly here and there. All eight examples come from reality and are not isolated cases in the applicant’s mind. Many are stuck in their shifted image on their own résumé. Perhaps it is also a form of self-sabotage to justify why the interview invitation just doesn’t work.

Why is it so hard to acknowledge: That’s life. – This is my life!

Are we not allowed to make wrong decisions in our life because we did not have better information at the time of the decision or simply believed it was a good way? Are we not allowed to take new paths that at first glance are not linear? Can’t situations arise in life that we did not expect and that turn our previously strictly planned résumé upside down? Shouldn’t a CV also have gaps, because changing jobs and looking for a suitable employer take time now?

Does this make us bad workers? Are we showing weaknesses that have no place in our society? As the boss of our own lives, are we not allowed to decide what is good for each of us? Do we have to align our course of life with undefined norms and “That’s not how it is done!” And do we actually have to justify deviations from them? Who actually thinks they know which is the ideal résumé for a particular job? And where do so many applicants get the certainty that they know exactly what they are doing wrong or that they will never have another chance on the job market?

As long as you are ashamed of your résumé, see yourself as a failure, or call yourself a “Failed Existence” title, you will not get even the blindest recruiter in the mood to take a serious interest in you. You radiate this attitude towards yourself – and that already in your cover letter.

Try to regain an appreciative attitude towards your (professional) life:

The fact that you dropped out of your studies at that time shows consistency and self-reflection. The fact that you have invested time in bringing up children or caring for relatives makes your personal values clear and you will have gained a lot of important experience in this phase as well. You cannot help that you have been given redundancy so often for operational reasons. If you have felt at home with a company for many years, congratulations! That you are not as advanced as your fellow students from before – so what? But you have experienced and learned other things. Versatility, flexibility, and a thirst for knowledge show that you are broadly interested as a generalist. Who wouldn’t want that?

Yes, I know that if you as an applicant have been searching for a long time and have had to take a lot of rejections, then your own doubts about your CV will get louder and louder. Many applicants come to me and want to know: “Is there something hidden in the CV that disqualifies me?” My answer is usually: “No” – even if there is always a little potential for optimization here and there.

What disqualifies many applicants, however, is their attitude towards themselves and their life. Would you hire someone ashamed of their résumé and secretly sees themselves as a hapless failure?

How to adopt a good demeanor as an applicant

This is neither about pink whitewash nor high acting. You will not change your posture while sleeping overnight. This is work on and occupation with yourself and it can be quite exhausting.

Take and give yourself the time. Go through your curriculum vitae and think about for each station what you have experienced, achieved, and experienced in your job and life as well.

Is there anything you are also proud of at this time?
What experiences from back then can you still use today?
What has contributed to your professional and personal development?
What small or large successes do you like to look back on?
What have you taken away from mistakes or personal strokes of fate for your life? How did you manage to overcome difficult times?

Think especially about those sections or points in time for which you were just ashamed, whether in retrospect you can see something good for your life from them. If you can’t think of anything, ask yourself whether this time from the past is even important today to do a good job tomorrow.

If you don’t get on with all of this, ask you’re good friends what they appreciate about you or let them rate your résumé “neutrally”. And then there should be coaches who don’t just change the font and typing errors in yours Correct your CV, but above all work on your attitude as an applicant.

Because success in the application is a matter of attitude.

Relationship killers: 10 tips for better relationships at work

After the fellow pigs and the mind readers, this is my third post on the subject of relationships in the job. Good relationships are the basis for working together successfully in a team. For me, good leadership means effective relationship management. We are not unemotional work machines that stubbornly work through processes according to scheme F, but people who interact with other people. But at work, it sometimes gives the impression that many bosses and also their employees are blind to the sheer focus on the matter when it comes to creating friendly, professional relationships. I looked at the 25 biggest relationship killers in private life and was amazed at how much they all apply to work life.

Relationships at Work | Workplace Relationship Policy | HR Solutions

25 private relationship killers that can also be transferred to the job

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This is a relationship killer, especially in strictly hierarchical companies. The employee who goes to the boss-boss, complains about his boss or wants to push through his interests there. The other direction is also known: the boss-boss, who approaches the employees directly and thus skips a management level. Think carefully about the cases in which it is important and right to skip a hierarchy level. Otherwise: Make it clear that and why you are going to do this in order not to damage the love triangle.

Selfishness

Anyone who only looks to their own advantage or who goes over dead bodies for their own career not only makes themselves unpopular with colleagues but also has a difficult position as a manager in the long term. Cooperation is taking and giving based on jointly defined goals. With their behavior, egoists risk being ridiculed, fought against, or even completely excluded.

Wrong expectations

From my experience working with managers, unclear expectations are one of the most common problem areas in cooperation: employees who do not know what their boss expects from them and, conversely, managers who do not see what their employees are for good leadership and who Need to get things done. Expectations should be clearly communicated in all directions. That makes working together much more relaxed.

Blackmail

Not the nice way. But all too often the following applies: “I know what I am not allowed to know and I have you in my hands.” Whether affairs, hushed up mistakes, or other secrets – what could harm your own career is not allowed to come to light. Those who use such information for their own benefit may quickly make it up the career ladder, but in the end, blackmailers often go online, fail because of their inadequate professional qualifications, and fall on their feet.

Lack of loyalty

The flag in the wind or the boss who does not provide any backing. Loyalty connects people. If it is missing for a long time, this often also means a break in the relationship. It is particularly important for managers to consciously pay attention to loyalty to their employees, but still position themselves well in their sandwich position. Because employees also derive justice from loyalty. In a group of colleagues, loyalty often means helpfulness and solidarity.

Stranger

Anyone who is looking for a new employer in an ongoing employment relationship and even conducts job interviews should not be caught. Before cheating, it is better to discuss what is bothering you with your current employer. Often there are many more adjustments than you think that making a change unnecessary. And if after such a conversation you secretly sniff a strange corporate air and it comes out, then it doesn’t hit your boss out of the blue.

Disrespectful behavior

Certain manners and rules of mutual respect also apply in the job. They don’t believe the stories I hear about filthy behavior in the workplace and read in personal emails from affected employees. Disrespect is behavior that does not take place on an equal footing and expresses: “I am better than you and you are worth nothing!” Respect and appreciation are the basic formula for good relationships – at work and, of course, in private.

A dispute over everyday issues

It’s annoying when you get back at home every three days to get a fight about who’s taking the trash, right? There are also tons of such everyday topics in everyday office life. Anyone who texts their colleagues or even the boss with it all the time has to reckon with the you-annoying-receipt at some point. Better clarify it once and agree on a rule that both can live with – and then it’s quiet.

Routine and boredom

If the butterflies in your stomach have evaporated in a fresh partnership, this is often the beginning of boredom. The same rituals every day – only together. Boredom at work, that’s what I wrote about here and it’s one of the most read and commented articles on the blog. Those who are bored leave. Employees and managers should discuss what they can do about boredom to keep the relationship fresh on the job.

Sit out problems

Depending on the company’s error culture, this is very popular. Sit out until problems vanish by themselves because they are no longer relevant or someone else has done it. That is neither collegial nor economical for the company. Here, too, clarity and the active search for solutions is the best solution in most cases.

Cover up errors

The main thing is that your own vest stays white. Sometimes I think employees spend more time covering up bugs than working on solutions. You construct watertight alibis and are a master in documenting long mail traffic as evidence. But if the boss finds out, the conflict threatens. And in many cases, this behavior is also a relationship killer with colleagues.

Jealousy

Particularly popular among female colleagues. “Why is Ms. Muller allowed to travel with the boss and I’m not?!” Jealousy in the partnership leads to control behavior and is – exaggerated – often the trigger for arguments. Even at work, both parties should consider objectively what the reasons for the jealousy are and clarify it.

Be resentful

If the boss tells his employee the mistake from a year ago every week, then at some point it gets annoying. Those who hold grudges hold back with their thoughts in the past, calculate up, and keep working on a topic that has obviously not yet been clarified. To look to the future with colleagues, you (both) should clarify the matter and decide to finally put it in the files.

Too much closeness or tightness

Anyone who hangs like a burdock on their partner’s skirt at home may also follow their employees or colleagues at every turn at work. Too much closeness in the job narrows. Many employees want a certain amount of leeway in thinking and acting. Together in the team and with the manager, determine how close you are and what leeway you need yourself to do a good job.

Lack of engagement

Anyone who sucks in front of the telly with a bottle of beer on the sofa every evening will at some point feel a headwind in the relationship. If you just sit back in your job, let others do it, and show no initiative of your own, you may be fed through in certain companies, but at some point, your colleagues here to get on the roof because of unjust behavior or the boss demands more performance.

Isolation or Distance

Most jobs live from the interaction of people. This will become even more important in the future. Those who keep isolating themselves from the group run the risk of not only losing touch concerning content but also of being no longer noticed by colleagues and managers. Those who isolate themselves no longer invest in cultivating relationships.

Blame

A perfectly developed discipline in many companies. And blame is often followed by justification. A ping pong game that not only regularly leaves thick air, but is also extremely unproductive. A good error culture, on the other hand, gets by without accusations and justifications.

Lack of recognition

How is it for you in a partnership when your loved one does not see what you are doing around the house and does not at least tell you from time to time how great you are? Lack of recognition in the job is the most common reason why employees show their boss the red card and leave. A relationship killer that is especially true at work, because self-realization and recognition were the most important values for a career in my study.

Break agreements

This is especially frustrating for employees. The boss, who promised them the raise in the last conversation, but now backs down and even blames it on the personnel manager. And the same applies to employees: if you often promise something to your superior but then cannot keep it, you endanger your credibility and thus the good relationship.

Generalization

“You’re always doing it all wrong!” Such generalizations are attacks that the person concerned often takes personally. As a rule, they are factually incorrect and serve (consciously or unconsciously) to pee on the other person’s leg. It is easy for many bosses to demonstrate the power and exert pressure in this way. But because there is a lack of clarity, the employee cannot do anything with it and, depending on the type, additionally distances or confronts the personal injury. Not good for the relationship!

Allegations

“Ms. Meier, YOU should have known that!” Accusations in combination with generalizations are particularly common. Such an accusation is quickly said and affects. But the same applies here as with the blame: It does not take both sides in the business one step further, but only burdens the personal relationship.

Don’t make decisions

Many employees complain in my coaching about the fact that their bosses don’t make decisions. “That’s why he’s boss!” I hear a lot. Yes, if nobody in the company makes decisions anymore out of fear of the consequences, then it drives the employees on the lower hierarchical levels especially crazy because they lack the clarity of their work. The result: at some point, they no longer take their managers seriously and the brave among them just do their own thing.

No time for each other

You also know this from private relationships, even if only from friends. Maintaining good relationships takes time. The boss who rushes from meeting to meeting every day and has no more time left for his team runs the risk of damaging the relationship here too. The motto here is “Get out of the day-to-day business!” And actively create space for more time to maintain relationships at work.

The love of money

“Opinions differ on money,” they say. Even if the money in the job is no longer the number one motivator for many employees today, it remains an issue that has a major impact on relationships in working life. The colleague who earns more but works less. The boss who promises the rise but doesn’t implement it. Missed promotion for the third year in a row. Money has a lot to do with a sense of justice, which is very important for collegial relationships.

Poor personal hygiene

A minimum level of hygiene, which is important for most of us for an intimate relationship in a partnership, also plays a major role in our job. Especially where people have to work together in a confined space. In open-plan offices, in medical practices, or a narrow two-person office. Smelly coworkers can be a problem and ruin the relationship. Because many employees are unsure how to deal with it and tend to distance themselves from the stinker than to point it out.

10 tips for good relationships at work

The relationship is the good line between two people. It doesn’t matter whether they get into bed with each other or are just colleagues at work.

Good relationships can cope with a solid argument or an announcement from the boss. Because both sides are clear: We may clash on the matter, but our personal relationship is so strong that it can endure or is even strengthened by it.

However, if the relationship is already cracking, then the slightest prick is often enough to break off contacts, switch to confrontation, do duty at work, or even give notice of termination.

What strengthens the relationship in private life can also be applied to the job. Here are 10 tips that you as a manager and also as an employee can do to maintain a good professional relationship with your boss and colleagues:

Show real interest and the honest signal “You are important to me!”
Create a sense of togetherness between boss and employee or in a team.
Accept weaknesses or mistakes to recognize the positive again.
Clarify mutual expectations and requirements.
Create rules as far as it makes sense and shows consistency in action.
Consciously breakthrough established ways of thinking and behaving.
Try to understand each other’s worldviews, values , and goals.
Take time for each other and also listen actively.
Look for solutions together, if necessary with the participation of neutral third parties.
Don’t lose sight of your own needs and values.

And what to do if the relationship is permanently disrupted? What if the trust is so damaged that one or both sides see no chance of getting the relationship back on its feet? Just as the separation or divorce is a liberating and correct step for many couples in private, the same applies in the job: Better to separate from each other than endure permanently bad relationships.

Money doesn’t matter as long as the salary is right

Money alone is no longer a fun job today. Other things count, such as self-realization, challenge, or purpose, which are preferred to the full bank account and ensure fulfillment in the job. At least that is what current studies show and I also find it in career coaching. But have you ever noticed how many tips and tricks around the salary and salary negotiation haunt the net every day? All headlines immediately promise more money or entice you with the brand new tricks on how to become the negotiating winner at the next annual interview. Such texts are extremely well received and are clicked thousands of times after they appear. How can that be when money has supposedly become so unimportant for a career and personal happiness? Why is there still such an interest in salary issues at all? An apparent contrast that I find exciting.

Money alone no longer makes you happy today

If I ask job changers and applicants what is particularly important to them for the next step in their career, then they all name the money besides. Rather, they long for an exciting job, collegiality, an appreciative boss, and at eye level. All of this is important to them today to be motivated to do good work. Yes, at some point you will tell me in conversation “I would like to earn as much as I do now with the next employer”, but it sounds like an insignificant secondary condition. Unless I’m dealing with downshifters who consciously want to take a step back on the career ladder and would even forego income for this.

Money alone is neither a lure nor a binding agent for good employees today. This is the result of various studies on job satisfaction and employee loyalty. The recently published results of the “Indeed Job Happiness Index 2016” show what makes employees happy at work: Work-life balance comes first, followed by (corporate) management, culture, and security/development. Job happiness factor money ranks 5th.

I also find the results of the study on securing and retaining skilled workers by the Federal Ministry of Labor and Social Affairs interesting. Potential job changers may first and foremost dream of better pay, but for those surveyed who actually have changed employers, the importance of more money and additional benefits slips to 5th place.

The desire for a higher salary seems to motivate employees to think about changing jobs, but other criteria are the focus for the subsequent selection decision. Or it is actually mainly those employees to whom the soft topics are more important than change, while the salary dreamers do not pull through in the end.

Especially for the younger generation, the motto of the book of the same name seems to be an expression of their current attitude towards job and career. Even if more and more voices are being voiced that the difference between the generations is a myth, my coaching experience shows a cross-generational trend away from money and towards meaning in the job.

Tips & tricks for higher salaries are celebrating the boom

For a few weeks now I have been consciously observing which job and career topics are attracting great interest on the internet and therefore could attract attention here in the blog. Every day at least one article about salary and salary negotiations appears somewhere in the major career and business portals. If I take a look at the number of clicks, the distribution in social media, and the comments, then these posts seem to be real traffic guarantors for the portals.

This is amazing, isn’t it? Why are so many employees interested again and again in the sometimes rather flat expert advice on more salary when money is supposedly not that important?

More money? – I’m not saying no!

Of course, if the boss comes around the corner with the bonus at the end of the year or perhaps even offers a regular salary increase of 2.9 percent of his own free will, then there’s something to celebrate. The equation is simple: the more money in the account, the better – even if there is diminishing marginal utility.

And of course, the promise of bonus, commission, dividend, or bonus still affects the work motivation of the individual today. Even if it has now been scientifically proven that salary increases and bonuses only have a very short-term effect, and can even create false incentives. Reinhard K. Sprenger described this very well in “The Motivation Myth – Ways Out of a Dead End”.

And yet, if you take a look at your colleagues in sales (or at yourself as a salesperson), you are likely to see a personality to whom money is very important as a value and motivator. At least for the die-hard 50+ salespeople, that should still apply today. Most sales organizations, especially in the financial services and insurance industries, are still extremely driven by commissions and incentives.

The fact that companies and managers sometimes wrongly assess the reward function of money for the sustainable performance of their employees is one thing and probably only a matter of time before the more recent research on motivation and incentive Put theory into practice. But on the other hand, it is clear that almost every employee (and self-employed) is also an income maximizer and thus has an interest in negotiating more salary.

Money is unimportant as long as the salary is right

The monthly salary stands for security and today that is an important value, especially for young professionals. To be able to pay off the newly moved home, to hoard a small reserve for the unforeseen, to treat yourself to vacation once a year, or simply to be able to maintain the standard of living that you have cherished today and especially in old age.

The salary as a performance of the employer is an expression of recognition. The salary should match your education, job responsibilities, and personal performance. This is important for many employees as an indicator of justice, especially when compared with colleagues and friends.

If something remains from the salary at the end of the month, it gives independence. With a small financial cushion, for example, it is easier to quit the job on your own if it no longer fits and to bridge a dry spell in the application phase. For many female employees, their own salary means independence from their partner, which is also very important to many today.

“If I am successful, enjoy my job and if everything so important to me today is fulfilled, then the money is also right.” This is the argument of many professionals when I talk to you about their values and goals in the profession. The money has moved into the second row. It is becoming less and less important when it comes to success and fulfillment in your job.

The salary has become a colorful ribbon around money. As a sign of recognition, justice, meaningful employment, or as a basis for independence. From my perspective, this is what will drive motivation and personal performance in the future. That explains why the many tips for increasing the salary still meet with such great interest.

However, the next time you click on one of these “This is how you earn more!” headings, you as a reader can consciously ask yourself what actually means “earning more money” for you personally. Is it really the victory in the salary negotiation and the 200 euros more net monthly in the account or are there actually completely different values and goals behind it? And maybe there are other things you can do to achieve these true goals in addition to salary negotiations.

Training soft skills: How to improve your social skills

Soft skills are becoming more and more important for success at work. Learned specialist knowledge and methodological competence are only half the battle. Because if your attitude and relationship with yourself and others are not right, you will not advance your 1.0 degree and all of your knowledge alone. HR managers complain about a lack of soft skills among applicants and candidates underestimate the importance of the hiring process, as this study shows. With the increasing change in the world of work towards more project work, interdisciplinary, agile, or even virtual teams, and more individual responsibility, the importance of social skills will continue to increase. Soft skills can be trained. Not overnight in a weekend seminar, but through awareness, mindfulness and attention, observation, and self-reflection. The great thing about it: You can train it anytime, anywhere. In private life as well as at work. Regardless of whether you are a schoolchild, student, young professional, or old hand, you can work on your soft skills every day on the side, but in a targeted manner:

Training soft skills: 6 exercises for more social competence

Any form of exercise is effective if you focus. Therefore, I present a weekly plan with which you can train and develop a different social competence every day.

Perhaps you will have to leave your usual comfort zone for this workout. Dare to go out step by step as far as you want and believe that it is good for you. Training shouldn’t be torture! Be curious whether and what will change.

You will likely find yourself in a situation where you will fall back into old habits. If you really get into the exercise of the day, you will quickly recognize these situations. Try doing something different than usual to actively train new behavior. Perhaps those around you will shake heads and reap amazement. This is normal, as your behavior is unfamiliar to others.

Monday: Active listening

Today you are listening carefully to what others have to say. Concentrate on consciously taking in everything that he/she says when talking to the boss, colleague, or partner. During this time, press the pause button for your own movie in your head. Do you really care! (Only if you are really interested, of course.) Take note of as much information from your counterpart as possible. Pay attention not only to the content but also to language, posture, gestures, and facial expressions.

My tip: Imagine you have to repeat what the other person said at the beginning of your answer before making your statement. Just introduce yourself, otherwise, the conversation will be stiff and silly. When it is your turn, say what is important to you in response. Active listening is exhausting. But you will be surprised how much communication benefits from it because there are no misunderstandings and you simply “understand” each other better.

Tuesday: Appreciation

No, today you shouldn’t praise everything and everyone. That would not be authentic! Rather, be careful not only to look for problems and criticize mistakes but also successes and see what works well. Acknowledge it in yourself and speak it out to others. Appreciate your achievements and the achievements of others, even if they may not be anything special for you at first are. Your appreciation and praise should be meant to be authentic and genuine.

Find out for yourself today what appreciation and recognition mean for you in your various roles in your professional and private life. In which situations or with which people do you find it easy/difficult to be appreciative and why is that? On the other hand: Who would you like to have more appreciation from yourself and what can you contribute to this yourself? What changes in your relationship with yourself and with others on your Appreciation Tuesday?

Wednesday: empathy

Any behavior makes sense in any context. If a colleague or employee annoys you again, put yourself in his / her position and ask yourself: Why is it important to him/her to behave like this and not differently? What is going on in the head of the other? Don’t rush to judge or judge behavior because you would do something differently or think you know better. Try to understand the behavior of others in their context.

Many people mistake empathy for pity. But compassion and compassion make a difference. Put on your counterpart’s glasses and try to see the subject in the room through their perspective. Get to know the people around you with their values and points of view: What is important to them and why? For the executives among you: How do your employees feel? How do the employees perceive themselves and how do you perceive them? What do your employees need from you to do a good job?

It’s not about analyzing and understanding every other behavior. Then you would be very busy and only read minds. No, rather it is about your own awareness that other people can have a different view of things and that there is not always a right or wrong. Extend your emotional antennae on Wednesdays and be particularly aware of interpersonal relationships.

Thursday: Teamwork

Today it’s about being strong and successful together. Teamwork will become more and more important in the future. Teamwork doesn’t stop with your employer, it also affects your private life. How well can you get involved with other people, pursue ideas together and work on solutions? Even if you don’t have a single appointment today, you are sure to come into contact with colleagues or other people in some form. Teamwork also means carrying the older neighbors’ purchases up the stairs or helping colleagues with difficult tasks.

Pay attention today to how you can use which of your strengths for the benefit of the community. Do not wait until someone asks you for advice; offer your support (not intrusively!). If you are working in a team today or if a meeting is pending, then pay attention to which role you play in the team and which might be different in the future. Also, keep your eyes and ears open to see how others perceive you as a team member. Are you accepted and welcome to the team? If so, what exactly is it that others appreciate about you? If not, what can you do to improve teamwork yourself?

Friday: personal responsibility

Before the weekend starts, become the boss today – of your own life! Take responsibility for your actions. Today you neither put the blame in the shoes of others nor avoid things or mutate into a fellow pig. Make an active decision on what is important to you at this moment. Throughout the day, pay attention to the situations in which you would most like to give up responsibility because you are used to it and it would be so easy. Ask yourself whether it is right not to take responsibility in this situation (if so, who is actually responsible?) Or whether you should actively take it instead?

On this day you will quickly notice how often you don’t feel responsible out of habit, even though you actually are. Typical are cases where you whine, are angry at others, or resent about something. Your exercise today: If you notice these feelings, do not be a victim of the bad circumstances, but clarify for yourself what the situation has to do with you and whether or how you can take responsibility instead – to your boss Life day.

Saturday: Weekly Review

Today you reflect on your experiences of the past week. What worked well and where did you feel comfortable? What did you find difficult and what do you think was the cause? What do you plan to do for the next week, continue training, or do differently?

Social competence includes two aspects: It is the behavior with and to yourself and also the behavior with and to others. Separate your weekly review according to this distinction:

What have you personally brought last week’s training? How have your own perception, behavior, motivation, self-discipline, self-esteem, and self-awareness changed? Is there anything that has changed and if so, was it helpful and good for you?

What has changed compared to? Your ability to criticize or deal with conflict, ability to work in a team, ability to compromise, tolerance, communication, appreciation of others. How did you experience your interaction with others and what reactions did you observe from others towards you?

Sunday: rest day

I guess you know what to do today.

You probably guessed it: a week of soft skills training is not enough. As for all competencies, the maxim of lifelong learning also applies here. If you are “in practice”, then forget your weekly plan and train what is important for you, your position, and your environment.

Anonymous application: How to protect your new employer from discrimination

The anonymous application will be discussed again these days. Success reports of good (random) hits in recruiting are increasing. Logical. Because if there is no longer any data such as date of birth or gender, then neither the machine algorithm nor the human brain can accidentally sort out technically excellent applicants. But what does that mean to apply anonymously? I’ll play it through below for the résumé and certificates – with a wink! Is it really the case that companies and applicants can find each other better when recruiters can no longer form a picture? The General Equal Treatment Act (AGG) created the legal obligation to ensure equal treatment 10 years ago. But unfortunately, there is still no safely functioning off button on us humans for prejudices and stereotyped thinking. Discrimination in the workplace remains an issue. The solution to oblige applicants to apply without a face or profile to prevent discrimination, I don’t think that’s a good idea.

Applicants, finally protect the company from discrimination!

The General Equal Treatment Act (AGG) celebrated its 10th anniversary in August 2016. The aim of the law was or is to “prevent or eliminate discrimination based on race or ethnic origin, gender, religion or belief, disability, age or sexual identity.” This applies to the selection – and employment conditions, working conditions, vocational training, social benefits, and everything that has anything to do with education.

So everything should be sorted out. Well, paragraphs 8-10 of the AGG allow plenty of exceptions when the inadmissibility of the disadvantage is permissible as long as there are valid reasons for this. This is the case, for example, with the upper age limit for pilots, as the labor courts ruled. I personally think that’s right.

Many applicants today feel the downside of the AGG in a completely different way. Because after a rejection they are interested in why it didn’t work out. They do not get any answers beyond “Does not fit!” – unless there is a conversation behind closed doors. Learning from mistakes in the application process and feedback from the other party is almost impossible today. Companies are too afraid of being sued for violating the AGG if the reasons are given.

Discrimination still exists in today’s world of work despite the law. This is borne out by current figures such as those from the Federal Anti-Discrimination Agency, and this is the result of a study by the University of Konstanz that showed disadvantages for applicants with Turkish names. It goes without saying that there should no longer be a place for discrimination in our society. Given the current number of refugees, we will not do ourselves any favors on the labor market. However, I doubt whether the emerging calls for even stricter legislation to prevent discrimination are the solution.

Back to the anonymous application. How does that fit in with the AGG? Isn’t it an obvious declaration of bankruptcy that the law is nothing more than a piece of paper and that decision-makers, as people in companies, cannot free themselves from stereotyped thinking and unjust judgment? Because processes may even only run subconsciously in their heads that, when looking at an applicant’s photo, decide whether they are sympathetic or antipathetic and thus whether they are invited or rejected. Because they are certain that a 50-year-old applicant is less flexible than a 25-year-old university graduate. Because they have an image in their head of an ideal candidate to fill the vacant position in the team and this is a middle-aged woman. Yes, that is pure inequality of opportunity and no HR manager or boss would admit that.

What would you do if you, as an employer, noticed that the attempt to enforce equal treatment by law was not working?

Is the anonymous application a clever move by companies to give up responsibility and escape the discrimination trap as an employer by obliging their applicants to only apply anonymously? Because if you literally can’t get a picture of a candidate, you can’t discriminate.

Why this is in my opinion way too short, more on that later. Before that, I would like to take the anonymous application experiment a little to the extreme:

This is what your perfect anonymous application looks like

What belongs in a perfect anonymous application not in? Just leaving out the photo would be too short-sighted, because your tracks on the internet are huge today. We all know that HR professionals today, incognito, scour social networks for applicants. And when they land on your Facebook profile and find you on malls in shorts and drinking beer, then anonymity is over – and the job!

Here are – with a wink – the five really crucial points for your application to be 100 percent anonymous:

No personal data

This includes your name, date of birth, place of birth, place of residence, marital status, and telephone number. In any case, you must ensure that the recipient of your application cannot find you using the address information or the reverse search of the telephone information. Anyone who finds out your name is lost and the door to discrimination is open again. Go through all the documents, certificates, and certificates that you have to attach as evidence of your professional qualification and blackout everything there that could indicate your name, gender, age, or origin.

Neutral, reputable email address

In the unlikely event that the company is interested in you as an applicant, a contact option is useful. Since you keep your address and telephone number anonymous, set up a neutral (!) E-mail address with a reputable e-mail provider. Ideally according to the example: [email protected].

Avatar as a placeholder for your personality

So that your anonymous résumé does not come across as unaccustomedly naked, use an avatar. Now, don’t fall into the trap, and be sure to use a gender-neutral image so the company can’t make any guesses as to whether you are a male or a female. To be on the safe side, be sure to swap the photos in all your social networks for this picture during the application phase.

Blacking out ex-employers

You know how small the world is sometimes. Two HR managers meet at a conference and it is easy to find out how you left your ex-employer. So: do not mention the company name on your résumé, but rather the industry. But be careful here too: If there aren’t too many companies there, you could give them away too. It is not rocket science for a hard-working HR officer to phone all the companies in question and ask who was employed there during the period mentioned. Even when describing the job title or position, you have to be careful not to give away the information about the name of the ex-employer – for example, if you were “Brand Manager Nutella”. Don’t mention years on your résumé, a good mathematician could calculate your age.

Blackout any reference documents that have logos addresses on the stationery, or signatures of your senior executives. Also blackout the description of your activities in the certificates, this can reveal you! What counts is just the assessment of your old employer anyway, so sentences like “ Mr. Slaghuis always speaks to customers, colleagues and superiors behave in an exemplary manner.”

Do not sign documents

Today hardly any applicant (unfortunately!) signs their cover letter and CV by hand with a scanned signature anyway. If you of all people have done it so far: Don’t do it! This is pure personality and the death knell for your anonymous application. The other side could immediately recognize your girl’s handwriting or assume a high dominance if your writing is strongly tilted to the right. You don’t even believe what can be read graphologically from signatures.

Why anonymous application does not protect against discrimination

If you have not yet recognized my undertone and the exaggeration in the tips for your guaranteed anonymous application, then I say here in all clarity: I do not believe in the anonymous application and I believe that the procedure is not suitable for the job market does well and is also highly inefficient for the recruiting process.

Even today, employers and applicants find it extremely difficult to find each other well. Because job postings are imprecise and full of platitudes and applicants answer them conscientiously so as not to be automatically sorted out because of missing keywords. Because applicants today send out masses of applications with one click using the watering can principle and hardly take any time to think about what and who really suits them.

Most of the cover letters I read from applicants are full of empty phrases and justifications for making mistakes on the CV about why they are the best candidate for the position. They list their specialist knowledge and work experience but remain intangible in terms of their personality and social skills. In the future, it will be more and more important for our new forms of cooperation. Even today, hardly any employer can get a clear picture of an applicant and make a good decision as to whether the effort involved in the invitation to the interview is worthwhile. The anonymous application leads even more to the fact that the profile of the applicant is blurred.

Rethinking in your head instead of disguising more

From my point of view, only the opposite direction can solve today’s problems – whether we call them a shortage of skilled workers or a war for talents. Applicants and recruiters come together well when both sides create as much clarity as possible about themselves as early as possible in the search process. So it’s better to have clear job profiles with high-quality requirements and applications with which those interested in a job actually show who they are, what makes them tick, what is important to them, and where they want to go.

The solution to the problem of discrimination as a result of conscious or unconscious unequal treatment of people, in my view, does not lie in withholding information to protect decision-makers, but rather in changing their personal attitude and their own consciousness.

When employers don’t just stick to the colorful flags, but actually understand that diversity makes a team stronger, that women are also good managers, and that applicants 50+ bring valuable experience to a company, then the pigeonhole thinking comes into their own The End. More “You mustn’t do that!”, However, narrows it down further and, in my opinion, increases the risk of misconduct

Instead of narrowing it down, more freedom, especially when it comes to thinking, would do well when it comes to anti-discrimination and equal treatment. Because it is about recognizing and adopting a personal self-image of the equality of different people. Anonymous application is a tried and tested means to an end. But it is unlikely to change people’s attitudes and thinking. And at the latest in the interview, the veil is lifted and Murat continues to lose to Michael.

Strengthening strengths: 3 cases when this strategy fails

You have to strengthen your strengths to weaken the weaknesses! This strategy sounds obvious and so it has haunted all guides for more success in life and at work for decades. But it’s not that easy! Many fail in the implementation of the basic requirement: the awareness of their own strengths and weaknesses. What I don’t know, I can’t reinforce. However, even if you fully understand your strengths, this strategy can lead you in the wrong direction. Here are 3 cases when the strengths-strengths strategy fails and what you should pay attention to instead.

Case 1: You do not recognize your strengths

This case is the classic. The lack of awareness of one’s own strengths. “What can I do?” I hear this particularly often from experienced professionals who have forgotten what actually sets them apart in the course of their careers. There are many reasons for this: Dissatisfaction blocks a clear view of one’s own strengths. Job seekers, for example, who have their resignation on the table or who have already run through many unsuccessful applications, doubt themselves. They only see deficits, but not a single strength. You can only strengthen your strengths if you are aware of your strengths and value them as strengths.

Your backpack is also full of strengths!

I like the image of the rucksack that each of us carries on our backs for our whole life and that over time fills with strengths, skills, knowledge, experience, and developed talents. Perhaps something gets lost from the backpack now and then because we believe we no longer need something or simply forget it. But the bottom line is that our backpack becomes bulkier and bulkier with increasing life and work experience. Sometimes in a difficult situation, I imagine myself rummaging in my backpack for a strength that I could use but do not have at hand. In most cases, I will find what I am looking for and remember previous situations in which I have used this strength before. Take a look into your “backpack” and discover again what is hidden there.

The habit-trap: when strengths become routine

This is the other case of no longer recognizing your own strengths. The more you can use your strengths well, the more they lose their special status. A lot of people tell me “It’s normal, everyone can do it!” And at the same time I often think and say “Well, I can’t do that!” Just because you submit a suggestion for improvement every month and the company awards it every time, it doesn’t automatically mean it’s normal. It has become routine for you, but your colleagues or the boss will still ask themselves the question “How does she/he manage it?”

Remember your strengths again!

I came across my certificate from elementary school while looking for my vaccination record in my folder of documents last week. I already knew then that I would write an article about strengths here on the blog. And when I read through my second-grade report card, I became very different:

“Interest and open-mindedness for new things. Contributing to the collaboration and enriching. Persistent perseverance, independent way of working, quickly and very carefully. Quick comprehension and strong solution orientation. A clearly structured writing style, few mistakes. Language appropriate and skillful. Good understanding of numbers.”

For those who know me a little better: Isn’t that crazy ?! No, I don’t mean how great I am (that’s nothing special – laughs), but what strengths and characteristics today were so obvious to me as an 8-year-old. It is written here what so many applicants are desperately looking for: According to their personal strengths and abilities, which they define and which they can often no longer formulate for themselves as adults.

Perhaps you can still find your old certificates and have a goosebumps moment like I had last week. It can also be that your strengths have changed over time and the comparison is not as clear for you as it is for me. But even then you can think about whether and which of the strengths of the past can still be useful for you today and whether it is worthwhile or how you can reactivate them.

Strengthening strengths is a good strategy if you are aware of your strengths and can appreciate them.

Case 2: Your strengths conflict with your values

I would like to introduce Claudia to you: She is real writing talent. Your texts are well received. She has written two books so far – both bestsellers. A year ago she received an offer from a major daily newspaper for permanent employment. She accepted it. A contribution every day, that was her default. But the joy of writing that she used to have disappeared very quickly. She liked the texts less and less and her bosses were also dissatisfied. Claudia knows today that independence is one of her most important values. With the permanent position and the daily goal, this value was violated. That affected their strength. She needs the freedom to write good texts. Today Claudia works as a freelance journalist again and has found her way back to her old writing strength.

Strengths and values belong together. Strengthening strengths without looking at your own values can lead in the wrong direction. No matter how perfect you are at something, as long as this strength violates one of the values that are important to you, you will get into an inner conflict. If you bend in your personality to use strength in a certain context or if you move away from your real goals and values, then this will weaken you rather than strengthen you in the long run.

What strengthens you and what weakens you?

When I talk to applicants about their strengths and weaknesses – this often happens because they are afraid of this question in the interview, then I modify the question and we talk about what strengthens them and what also weakens them. This is a different perspective that goes beyond the simple strengths and weaknesses view. Because she questions the motives and causes as well as the effect of strengths and weaknesses: the exhausting colleague who steals your energy. The important presentation in front of a group that sucks the batteries empty in advance. The walk with the dog, which gives you new energy every day. The praise from the boss, which motivates and encourages. Often, further indications of strengths and weaknesses can be derived from this observation and they are related to the values in work and life, which I believe is so important.

Strengthening strengths is a good strategy if the strengths are in harmony with your values, goals, and your personality.

Case 3: Your strengths are unimportant for your environment

I had to think of this case when I read Svenja Hofert’s new book about the fish pond effect. She says: “People often develop better when their strengths are more pronounced than others. So it’s better to be a big fish in a small pond than a small one in a big one. ”

Yes, strengths are always relative. Your strengths in the team are then relatively insignificant as long as there is a colleague who is better at it. Perhaps your particular strength is not even asked for: If you are great at using Excel and you really enjoy tables and formulas, but your task is to create colorful PowerPoint presentations, then your strength there is pretty worthless. It makes no sense here to get even better at Excel because strengthening this strength would not change anything in this environment.

Many bosses don’t delegate tasks because they think they can do them better or faster themselves. In this case, strengthening strengths can be a solution for an employee to move up to the top division again, but it doesn’t have to be. Because then he tries to be better than the colleague or the boss in an area and the race begins. Even if it can inspire a team in the short term, the expansion of this strength would be externally determined and does not have to correspond to one’s own motivation.

In this case, it would be smarter to either swim to a different corner of the fish pond or to specifically strengthen those “own” strengths that are needed in the small pond but are not yet available, making it easier for you to get a big one Can be fish.

Strengthening strengths is a good strategy if your strengths are valuable in the current living or working environment.